Archives

Aug032006

The Other Vader

I’d dare say that there are hundreds of Star Wars fan films out there on the ‘net. I’d further dare say that most of them are pretty lame, amateurish attempts at parody that fall flatter than Wile E. Coyote’s face after he gets mooshed between a flying boulder and a cliff wall. But once in a while, you encounter one that is so inspired and genuinely funny that it becomes legend among the fan community. Kevin Rubio’s Troops, the first major Star Wars fan film, is one of those. So is Pink Five, the story of one of the lesser-known X-wing pilots who flew in the attack in against the first Death Star. And now I’ve found the latest “instant classic”: Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager. It’s the tale of Darth’s younger, less successful brother, who struggles to maintain order in the grocery store for his master, Randy, in spite of insubordinate checkers and his rival on the night shift. Two episodes appear after the break:

Continue Reading…

spacer
Aug022006

National Ice Cream Sandwich Day

It has come to my attention that today is “National Ice Cream Sandwich Day.” I can’t think of a food item more deserving of its own holiday than the ice cream sandwich, surely one of the greatest achievements of western civilization. I made it through middle school on an ice cream sandwich a day, purchased for 35 cents from these groovy vending machines on which you’d hit a big blue rectangular button, flip open a little door, and watch in awe as this conveyor-feed thingie raised your sandwich up into the slot. The whole thing looked like something you’d build with an erector set, and I haven’t seen a machine like this since about 1985. Sigh… good times.

The holiday I’m really looking forward to, however, is coming up on August 8th; that’s “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night.” As anyone who’s ever been in Utah in the fall can attest, that’s the game that’d just keep on giving. Dang zucchini anyway. It’s like an unstoppable vegetable plague…

spacer
Aug022006

Wither Freedom Fries?

Score one for common sense: the House of Representatives cafeteria has quietly changed its menu nomenclature so that you can once again order french fries and french toast. Remember, if you will, the attack of silliness that broke out on the eve of the Iraq War when the hyper-patriots, miffed that the French weren’t tripping all over themselves to march into the meat grinder at our side, retagged the House’s potato wedges and grilled egg-bread with the prefix “freedom.” It was a ridiculous gesture that accomplished little beyond making Americans look offensively petty and stupid — something we really didn’t need considering the beating that our country’s image was taking in the international press anyhow — and it rightfully turned into a late-night punchline. And now it’s rightfully been rectified and consigned to the Memory Hole.

If only the war could be so easily undone as well.

spacer
Aug012006

I Want My MTV!

If going to see John Tucker Must Die with a thirteen-year-old wasn’t enough to make me feel old and out-of-touch, the news that MTV is 25 years old today is.

Continue Reading…

spacer
Aug012006

Things I Learned from John Tucker

I haven’t been hip to the teen-movie genre since about the time Molly Ringwald started sending out college applications. By “teen movie,” I don’t mean the occasional sex farce like American Pie or nostalgic coming-of-age films that are obviously intended for adult viewers, such as Dazed and Confused or Almost Famous. No, when I say “teen movie,” I’m talking about movies that are targeted squarely at the teenage demographic, which feature young actors that kids like but adults don’t recognize, and which focus, by and large, on topics that only teenagers care about. In other words, movies like those the aforementioned Ms. Ringwald was making during her heyday — and my own teenaged years — back in the 1980s.
The Brat Pack and their patron writer/director John Hughes long ago receded into the pop-cultural rear-view, but I have noticed that films similar to theirs still come out every so often, usually on about a four-year cycle to coincide (or so I believe) with each new crop of high-school freshmen. But I haven’t seen any of those more recent teen flicks myself. I’ve missed entire careers because I’m now too damn old to identify with the idealized romantic shenanigans of people young enough to be my own kids.

How, then, did I come to see the film John Tucker Must Die on Sunday afternoon instead of something more appropriate to my age and interests (like, say, Miami Vice)? Blame The Girlfriend, who hosted her thirteen-year-old niece over the weekend and enlisted my help in showing The Kid a good time.

Continue Reading…

spacer
Jul282006

Mixing Universes

When I was a kid, I often mashed together elements of various fictional universes in my imagination. Thus, it wasn’t uncommon for me to imagine an adventure in which Mr. Spock was hanging out on the Millenium Falcon with Han and Chewie while they were on their way to pick up Aquaman. Apparently, one grown-up fanboy still likes to combine his various interests:

The Empire's secret weapon!

As always, click for a bigger view, if you dare…

[FYI, this photo comes from this year’s Comic-Con; a gallery of other costumes can be found here.]

spacer
spacer
Jul282006

The 8th Grade Science Quiz

Well, this is reassuring:


You Passed 8th Grade Science


Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

 

Apparently I haven’t forgotten everything I learned in school… except how to concentrate on work instead of taking silly Internet quizzes, of course…

spacer
Jul282006

E-mail Meme: About Me

As you can probably guess from the subject line up, I received the following via e-mail. It’s somewhat meme-ish, so I thought I’d post it up here, just in case my three loyal readers are feeling voyeuristic and want to know all about me. Plus, it has the added benefit of allowing me to throw up a quick, low-effort entry for y’all:

Continue Reading…

spacer
Jul272006

The Pizza Challenge Monster

Oh, good Lord! This pizza thing just keeps getting more and more elaborate. Brian Greenberg has the latest details, but, in a nutshell, these crazy kids are now planning to fly Dave, the owner of Utah’s own Este, out to NYC with a chilled pie (not frozen, as that apparently yields unsatisfactory results) which he will bake somewhere in or around Rockefeller Center. Assuming, of course, that Brian can talk a nearby pizzeria into the use of their oven for some dippy Internet stunt. Meanwhile, Este Dave has decided to challenge three top New York pizza-makers and maybe one in Cincinnati. Brian fears this may turn into a full-blown reality-TV show before it’s over, and I can’t say I blame him. My head-spin is now up to about 45 RPMs; when it reaches 78, I’m going to start talking like Alvin the Chipmunk…

spacer