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August 30, 2010

A Curious Case of Parallelism

Just lately, I've been working my way through Season One of the old TV series Vega$ on DVD. If you don't remember it, Vega$ -- not to be confused with the more recent James Caan series Las Vegas -- was an early entry in the private-detective genre that dominated prime time during much of the 1980s, running for three seasons from 1978 to '81. The show was created by Michael Mann, who would later become the driving force behind Miami Vice, and his pilot script suggested Vega$ could have been a stylish series with enough grit to allow some serious storytelling and character development, but without getting too heavy. Unfortunately, Mann's influence was quickly swamped by executive producer Aaron Spelling's trademark glitz, superficiality, and penchant for the ridiculous. For example, a typical episode from the first season involved an unscrupulous land developer trying to scare a retired madame off her property by -- get this -- sending a gorilla to threaten her. Or more precisely, a guy in a ratty-looking gorilla suit, like the ones Hawkeye and Trapper wore when they wanted to annoy Frank Burns. Yeah, it's a pretty bad show, even by the admittedly looser standards of the time.

(In case you're wondering, I was never a fan, not even back in the day; in fact, I don't recall ever watching it at all. The only reason it even pinged my radar is because the lead character drove a red 1957 Ford Thunderbird like my dad's. I picked up the DVDs out of curiosity, and to get a look at that car, and now I'm watching with the same sick "I cannot look away" fascination I feel when I see some white-trash loser getting busted for huffing paint on COPS.)

Believe it or not, though, my purpose here really isn't to rip on Vega$ for simply being what it was, namely a product of the Spelling cheese factory. After all, it ran in the time slot following Charlie's Angels, so what else could it have been but a big old pile of Kraft singles? No, what I'm interested in discussing is how eerily similar Vega$ was to another detective series, a much more respected and beloved series, a series that was starting production right around the time Vega$ was winding down: Magnum, PI. The two shows are so similar, in fact, that I think you can make a pretty good argument that Magnum, better though it might have been, was something of a Vega$ rip-off. Consider the following:

Continue reading "A Curious Case of Parallelism" »

August 28, 2010

That's the Best I Could Come Up With?!

Okay, I know nothing is more tedious than somebody talking about their dreams, but I had one last night that I still haven't managed to shake off, even after being up for several hours, so I'm afraid I'm about to become one of those boring people who blather on about their dreams as if they actually matter to anyone but the person doing the blathering. Sorry, everyone, but I've just got to get this out of my head.

I dreamed I was at some kind of townhall meeting where President Obama was appearing in person. It was a small and intimate gathering where everyone was guaranteed up-close-and-personal contact with him, and we'd all been told he would answer any question we wanted to ask him. Any question about any topic at all. So I was wracking my brains trying to come up with something good, something original, something hard-hitting and penetrating and relevant, a question that would stand out from all the mundane bullshit everyone else was asking. I wanted to give the president a chance to satisfy his critics on both the Left and the Right, to defuse the rising hysteria and ignorance and anger that is sweeping this nation and make everything all right again, for everyone. I knew he could do it if only he heard the right question, the magic query that would send his thought processes cascading down just the right pathway. And it was going to be my question that would do it. It was all on me.

So what, you may be wondering, was my question? My brilliant inquiry that would restore the glory of the Republic? Well, when my turn finally came, and the president stood before me and shook my hand and looked me in the face, I asked him... man, I hate to admit this, even though I'm the one who brought it up...

I asked him which of the Star Wars movies was his favorite.

I've been haunted by this all morning...

August 27, 2010

You're the Man Now, Dog!

sean-connery_louis-vuitton-ad.jpg

From the Department of "No Frickin' Way, How Could That Possibly Be?" comes the news that Wednesday was Sean Connery's 80th birthday. Eighty. Eight-oh.

I'm having just a little bit of trouble wrapping my head around this concept. Granted, Sir Sean has never seemed exactly young to me -- he's always been either fully mature (James Bond) or on-the-far-side-of-middle-aged-but-still-vital (Ramirez; Henry Jones, Sr.; Captain Ramius) -- but to think of him as downright old... well, that's a tough nut to swallow. I've hero-worshipped this guy for a long time, you see, and a major part of his appeal for me personally has always been his physical presence, the intense aura of masculinity and confidence that he seems to radiate like body heat. He still has plenty of presence in that photo up there at the top of this entry, which is the most verifiably recent one I could find. It's a Louis Vuitton ad photographed by the legendary Annie Leibovitz; as usual, click on it to see it larger. But that photo is also two years old, and a lot can change in only two years when people advance into this age range. I've read in a couple places that Sean experienced some unspecified health problems this summer, and that he now believes his acting days are finally, completely behind him. (He recently lent his distinctive voice to a Scottish-made animated feature called Sir Billi, so at least his filmography won't end with that miserable turd The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. I had been hoping, however, that he would eventually step in front of the cameras again and turn in one final home-run performance that would be a fitting end to such a long, storied career. Ah, well...)

I guess none of us like to see our heroes diminishing, as old age inevitably causes them to do. Maybe seeing them fade reminds us that we, too, aren't all we used to be. So while I honestly wish Sir Sean a happy birthday with many more to come, I do so with something of a heavy heart.

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