{"id":2710,"date":"2012-11-28T20:37:42","date_gmt":"2012-11-28T20:37:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/?p=2710"},"modified":"2012-11-28T20:37:42","modified_gmt":"2012-11-28T20:37:42","slug":"what-diabetes-is-like","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/28\/what-diabetes-is-like\/","title":{"rendered":"What Diabetes Is Like"},"content":{"rendered":"

I saw this pic of an “insulin cupcake” on Boing Boing<\/a> a few days ago, and it’s kind of haunted me ever since:<\/p>\n

\"insulin-cupcake\"<\/a>I’m fortunate not to require insulin myself — I’ve got my case of the ‘betes pretty well controlled with only two pills a day, watching what I eat, and taking an afternoon walk — but my relationship with food has changed irrevocably since my diagnosis, and this picture is a good metaphor for the new paradigm. I am now extremely conscious of everything that goes in my mouth, and every decision I make about food requires a careful cost-benefit analysis. Hell, the mere fact that there is <\/i>a decision to make<\/em> is a major adjustment. It used to be somebody at work would offer me a donut or a cupcake, and I’d take it and enjoy it without the slightest worry. But nowadays my answer to “Would you like a… ?” has become an automatic “Yes, but…” I can no longer even look<\/i> at desserts without feeling a twinge of dread. Rich chocolate cake has assumed an ominous air, pecan pie seems downright treacherous, and I just know the Oreos are plotting against me. And it’s not just sweets, either. I approach white-flour pasta with the same trepidation as pistols at dawn, potatoes may as well be radioactive these days, and I shy away from umbrella drinks as if they were made out of the same green-glowing sludge that transformed Jack Nicholson into the Joker.<\/p>\n

In short, I don’t find a lot of comfort in my comfort foods any more. It’s not that I can’t<\/i> eat the things I’ve always loved. I can, at least once in a while. But I can’t do it with joyful carelessness anymore. Now food is freighted with consequences<\/i>. It always was, of course, which is why I’m in this mess to begin with, but now I’m aware of them in a way I didn’t have to be before. I am hyper<\/i>aware of them, actually, as well as the knowledge that I’ll have to adjust something else later in the day to compensate for what I do now. For me, the pleasures of eating have been blunted by anxiety. And I fear that’s never going to change… ever<\/i>. This is who I am now.<\/p>\n

I hate it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I saw this pic of an “insulin cupcake” on Boing Boing a few days ago, and it’s kind of haunted me ever since: I’m fortunate not to require insulin myself — I’ve got my case of the ‘betes pretty well controlled with only two pills a day, watching what I eat, and taking an afternoon […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2710","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2710","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2710"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2710\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2710"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2710"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2710"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}