I can’t believe I’m about to admit this publicly, but one of my all-time favorite guilty-pleasure movies is The Sword and the Sorcerer<\/i>, a quickie knock-off of Conan the Barbarian<\/i> and one of a whole raft of fantasy flicks that emerged in the early ’80s. (If you want to get really<\/i> technical, both Sword<\/i> and Conan<\/i> belong to a sub-category I like to call “barechested warrior” flicks. See also The Beastmaster<\/i> and — if you can force yourself to sit through it — Yor: The Hunter from the Future<\/i>.)<\/p>\n
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Sword<\/i> is probably best described as a glorious mess. Made for about $1.98, it employs stock-footage establishing shots from other movies that don’t match the landscape where they did the location filming, so you’re never sure if the mythical setting is supposed to be England or Death Valley; the costumes vary from caveman to Roman Legion to Arthurian knights; and the cast is strictly low-rent, consisting mostly of faces you may<\/i> remember from ’80s television, but just as likely do not. (Our dashing hero, Talon, is played by Lee Horsley, best known for the TV series Matt Houston<\/i>, which was a kind of Texas-based variant of Magnum P.I.<\/i>; Talon’s sidekick is Joe Regalbuto from Murphy Brown<\/i>; the prince they’re trying to spring from the evil lord’s dungeon is the Manimal<\/i> himself, Simon MacCorkindale; and the titular Sorcerer is Richard Moll, Night Court<\/i>‘s lovable Bull, nearly unrecognizable beneath a couple pounds of latex. Oh, and the bad guy is Richard Lynch, who’s played a bad guy in damn near everything he’s ever done.)<\/p>\n
The story is sufficiently convoluted that to this day I’m not entirely certain if the princess our barbarian hero strikes an unusual bargain with — her carnal favors in exchange for his derring-do — is his own sister or not. And the film’s signature weapon, a triple-bladed sword whose outer blades can be launched like missiles, is just plain ridiculous. Even as a kid, I wondered how an essentially medieval society managed to make that<\/i> work.<\/p>\n
And yet I love this stupid damn movie. I think it is, in many respects, a better movie than Conan<\/i>. Certainly it’s more fun than Arnold’s oh-so-serious flick, with a sparkling, lighthearted tone reminiscent of the classic Errol Flynn swashbucklers. (This entry’s title is the final line of the film, which I’ve always loved… it so wonderfully captures the joi de vivre<\/i> of the best adventure stories. The complete line is “Come on, then! There’s a battle in the offing! We’ve got kingdoms to save and women to love!”, followed by Talon and his men riding off into the sunset.) And of course the movie had lots of bare boobies and gore — sometimes in the same scene! — which ensured that Sword<\/i> ran constantly on HBO back in the early days of cable TV, and also that I’d try to watch it every time I visited my grandma’s house. You cannot discount the irresistible attraction these things hold for a 13-year-old boy! Fortunately, I had a very understanding grandma…<\/p>\n
Anyhow, like many genre movies of that general time period, The Sword and the Sorcerer<\/i> included a title card at the end promising a sequel, which was to be called Tales of the Ancient Empire<\/i>. For several years, I waited with growing impatience for the further adventures of Talon and his triple-bladed sword, only to eventually realize that it was never going to happen. Just like Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League<\/i>, Tales<\/i> became something a joke, a cruel tease, a legendary “what-if?” in the minds of B-movie fans everywhere.<\/p>\n
Except… I just read over at Atomic Pulp<\/a> that Tales<\/i> is currently in production, with the original film’s director, Albert Pyun, at the helm.<\/p>\n Tales of an Ancient Empire<\/i>? Really<\/i>? It’s been 27 years<\/i>, Albert! And it’s not like Sword<\/i> is all that well regarded even in cult-classic, B-movie-loving circles. So… why?<\/p>\n I guess “why not?” is the only possible response. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, considering that Tron 2.0<\/i> is in the works as well, but I’m frankly a little bit gobsmacked by this news. It just seems so unlikely. So… weird<\/i>.<\/p>\n I’ve got to be honest, though: I’m actually pretty enthused about this, as unlikely as that seems given my usual attitudes. I was just saying the other day that I missed the lighthearted swashbuckling heroes of my youth, that I’ve grown tired of all this dark and angsty stuff and it’d be great to see a return of plain old adventure films again. (For the record, I much preferred Iron Man<\/i> to The Dark Knight<\/i>. Sacrilege, I know!) I wonder, though, if it’s really possible to do a Sword and the Sorcerer<\/i>-style movie these days. There’s the rating to consider, for one thing. Will it be rated R? Everything these days seems to aim for the coveted PG-13, which means the carefree bawdiness of the original will likely be watered down to mere suggestiveness, and let’s be honest, the boobies were a big part of the fun in the original. Well, not the boobies per se<\/i>, but the unselfconscious “Hey, let’s go wenching!” attitude. Of course, Tales<\/i> will likely go straight to DVD, so maybe the director will feel free to buck the P.C. police.<\/p>\n Lee Horsley and the triple-bladed sword are rumored to be putting in an appearance, but the film’s real star is Kevin Sorbo, television’s Hercules<\/i>, and he’s not<\/i> playing Talon, so I don’t know how much of a direct sequel Tales<\/i> is actually going to be. (Some people out there may have just cringed at the mention of Sorbo; personally, I like him. I liked Hercules: The Legendary Journeys<\/i> and I even liked Kull the Conqueror<\/i> — I think I’m the only one on the planet who did — and I liked them in large part because they recalled these old ’80s fantasy flicks I loved in my adolescence. Kevin actually has the perfect background for this project. And<\/i> he’s middle-aged. I’m even more tired of baby-faced 20-something movie heroes than I am of the angst.)<\/p>\n Another interesting bit of casting news: the original Highlander<\/i>, Christopher Lambert, is supposed to be along for the ride as well. Again, the public at large tends to see his presence as a big minus, but I like the guy.<\/p>\n How weird is it that of all the remakes, sequels, and franchise revivals, this<\/i> is the one I’m actually excited about? Good lord, what does that say about me?<\/p>\n If you’re at all interested, there are a few photos over at AICN<\/a>, as well as a few more here<\/a>. Nothing earth-shattering yet, but it certainly looks<\/i> like one of those old ’80s barbarian flicks…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I can’t believe I’m about to admit this publicly, but one of my all-time favorite guilty-pleasure movies is The Sword and the Sorcerer, a quickie knock-off of Conan the Barbarian and one of a whole raft of fantasy flicks that emerged in the early ’80s. (If you want to get really technical, both Sword and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-film-studies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1637","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1637"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1637\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1637"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1637"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1637"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}