{"id":1081,"date":"2007-07-26T11:55:10","date_gmt":"2007-07-26T11:55:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/?p=1081"},"modified":"2007-07-26T11:55:10","modified_gmt":"2007-07-26T11:55:10","slug":"amusing_birth_announcement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/2007\/07\/26\/amusing_birth_announcement\/","title":{"rendered":"Amusing Birth Announcement"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m not one to get all gooey over news of someone successfully procreating, especially someone I don&#8217;t personally know, but I thought <a href=\"http:\/\/telstarlogistics.typepad.com\">Telstar Logistic<\/a>&#8216;s &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/telstarlogistics.typepad.com\/telstarlogistics\/2007\/07\/press-release-t.html\">press release<\/a>&#8221; this morning was both clever and funny:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\nPRESS RELEASE<br \/>\nTELSTAR LOGISTICS LAUNCHES NEXT GENERATION BRAND EXTENSION<br \/>\nGenetic Technology Yields Robust, Scalable, Cute New Life<br \/>\nSAN FRANCISCO, Calif. &#8211; 25 July, 2007 Telstar Logistics Genetics Systems, working in collaboration with the Biological Imperative Group and Evolutionary Optimization Inc., is proud to announce the successful launch and deployment of our newest brand extension, Miel Avril Lappin.<br \/>\n&#8230;<br \/>\nA state-of-the-art newborn, Miel is equipped with the latest onboard diagnostic and maintenance technologies, including fully autonomic respiratory, circulatory, and waste-disposal systems, as well as pre-installed grasping and suckling subroutines. A built-in acoustic alarm alerts the executive team when ambient conditions are sub-optimal, and the user interface is calibrated for maximum cuteness.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>He goes on in that vein for a bit; it&#8217;s worth a glance and a chuckle. I especially liked that bit about the acoustic alarm for sub-optimal conditions&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m not one to get all gooey over news of someone successfully procreating, especially someone I don&#8217;t personally know, but I thought Telstar Logistic&#8216;s &#8220;press release&#8221; this morning was both clever and funny: PRESS RELEASE TELSTAR LOGISTICS LAUNCHES NEXT GENERATION BRAND EXTENSION Genetic Technology Yields Robust, Scalable, Cute New Life SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. &#8211; 25 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general-ramblings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1081","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1081"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1081\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1081"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1081"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jasonbennion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1081"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}