Moneypenny

Here’s a sad note on which to begin the week: Lois Maxwell, the elegant lady who bantered with three iterations of James Bond over a period of 22 years and 14 films, died over the weekend. She was 80. The LA Times obit is here.

Maxwell, who played the ever-hopeful Miss Moneypenny alongside Sean Connery, George Lazenby, and Roger Moore, was replaced by a younger actress for Timothy Dalton’s first outing as 007 in The Living Daylights. Maxwell was 58 at the time, and I, for one, have always seen the change as something of an injustice. After all, Desmond Llewelyn played Q until he was quite elderly. Surely it wouldn’t have been too far-fetched for M to have an older executive secretary for a few more installments in the series? Rather than recast her with someone younger, wouldn’t it have been more interesting to change how Moneypenny relates to Bond as Maxwell aged, to make her more of a mothering presence than an object of flirtation? (Or, for that matter, why not be really daring and do both?) Sadly, the producers of the Bond series have rarely shown any true daring in the 40-plus-year history of the franchise, mostly preferring to stick to rote formula.

Nevertheless, I think it’s telling that Maxwell’s face is the one that immediately comes to mind when you hear the name “Moneypenny.” No doubt that can be attributed, in part, to the fact that she played the character for so long and in so many entries in the series. By contrast, her two successors, Caroline Bliss and Samantha Bond (ironic name, eh?), have played Penny in only two and four films, respectively. But I think you can also argue that Maxwell stands out because of a something you don’t see much anymore, an old-fashioned strain of genuine class. No disrespect to Bliss or Bond, but Maxwell simply had that civilized, grown-up, cocktails-and-jazz sort of quality that defined the movie stars of the early Cold War era. You just knew that if Moneypenny smoked (I can’t recall if she did so in any of her Bond movies, but I could be wrong), she would keep her cigarettes in an enameled wooden box and light them with a crystal desk lighter. No crumpled paper packs or disposable Bics pulled from the bottom of a cluttered purse for her. And if you could manage to seduce her, the sex would be anything but casual, even if there were no strings attached.

Maybe Maxwell’s interpretation of Moneypenny is passe now — Bond himself has been reinvented for the 21st Century, and he doesn’t bear a lot of resemblance to the character JFK was reputed to have enjoyed — but her version will always be, for me, the definitive and classic one, just as Connery remains, in my mind, the one true 007. Even if Daniel Craig was damn good…

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Moving Day

Several years ago, I awoke on an overcast and wintry day to a most unusual sight: a hometown landmark called the Crane House creeping slowly down the street on the back of an enormous flatbed trailer. Evicted from its original location (which was soon to become a Hollywood Video store), the old Victorian mansion — well, it was considered a mansion when it was built, at least in these parts — was transported about a mile south, placed on a quiet side road, and reborn as the Riverton Museum, a rare case (at least in Utah) of a historic building that was spared the wrecking ball when progress came a-calling. (Incidentally, if you’re inclined to follow that link for the museum, prepare your eyes before you click; the web page on the other end is a bit… busy.)

The moving of the Crane House was one of the most awe-inspiring things I’ve ever seen. The century-old, two-story home made the trip intact, not cut in half and reassembled like other older homes I’ve seen relocated. The place always looked big to me when I was a kid pedaling past on my Schwinn; it looked gargantuan coming down the middle of Redwood Road, as tall as the telephone poles it was passing. (Of course, the trailer beneath it raised it up a good five or six feet above ground level.)

This morning I spotted something on the InterWebs that might be even more impressive:

That’s a home that’s probably about the same age as the Crane House, but appears to be much bigger to my eye, being moved moved seven miles downriver from its original site in Palmetto, Florida, to begin a new life as a visitor’s center at a nature preserve. As this article points out, moving the house by water has one major advantage over the land-based method that was used for the Crane: you don’t have to worry about power lines or automobile traffic.

Pretty amazing stuff…

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A Romantic in a Monetized World

Not to get all whiny on you fine folks, but I’ve had a rough month. Circumstances in the New Proofreaders’ Cave lately have left my work/life balance extremely lopsided, and even though I haven’t had to put in any late nights this week, I haven’t managed to catch up on my sleep deprivation either. I’ve been shuffling along about three seconds behind the rest of the world, feeling like whatever wit or cleverness I may once have possessed caught a Greyhound for Miami round about last Tuesday. It doesn’t help that this is my favorite time of the year, and an entire month of glorious, mellow afternoons have slipped through my fingers while I’ve sat steadfastly at my desk in a dimly lighted corporate cubicle without even a decent window view.

All of which is my way of explaining why the latest dispatch from Tony Long, a.k.a. Wired.com’s resident Luddite, resonated so strongly with me:

I was meant to be drifting through the back streets of Istanbul, clad in a white linen suit, flitting from one café to the next, sipping tea on a Bosphorus steamer, wooing an olive-skinned beauty at the bar of the Hotel Bebek. … It would be nice if my worthy employer would change my job description to “boulevardier” and pay me a princely salary to explore various exotic locales — for the sake of appearances, I suppose I’d deign to dash off an occasional dispatch to the home office — but that’s probably not going to happen. We romantics tend to romanticize, not monetize, and therefore have little value in this hard-hearted, for-profit world.

 

Whatever. I want to be Bogie in Casablanca… Alas, I’m not Bogie in Casablanca. I’m Tony in California and it’s 2007 and it’s not about running a saloon, it’s about “core competency” and “entrepreneurialism” and the “global economy.” It’s about making the bottom line, being there 24/7, upping those page views, closing that deal. It’s about making someone else rich off the sweat of your labor. It’s about living with constant stress that we, as humans, shouldn’t really have to live with.

Sigh. I’ve got a vacation coming up in four weeks, if I can just stave off my pending crack-up until then… but it would be easier if I had a white linen suit. Or at least a cure for insomnia.

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I Can Has Scenery Chewing?

You know, there was a time in my life when I would’ve been ashamed to admit that I even understood this, let alone thought it was funny:

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Hi, my name is Jason, and I’m a nerd.

(Actually, when you think about it, this is really a fascinating example the cross-connections within popular culture. Imagine trying to explain this to someone from the year 1975, say…)

[Update: Here is a version with sound, for that full, Shatner-esque effect.]

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Groovy New Blog: Brenda’s Babes

My constant scouring of the InterWebs for the very best in afternoon time-wasters has uncovered a gem: Brenda’s Babes, a blog wherein a woman who collects vintage pin-up art shares her treasures with the world, one piece at a time.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I quite enjoy pin-up art (yes, kids, that’s right! It’s another Random Factoid About Me™!). The appeal is two-fold. First, there’s the obvious reason: I’m a guy, and I like looking at pictures of pretty girls who aren’t wearing much in the way of clothing (although pin-up art doesn’t necessarily require skimpy attire or nudity). The other reason is that I just like the retro aesthetic of the classic pin-ups, the general look of ’40s and ’50s-vintage illustration. It’s part of my whole fascination with a time period I never lived through, I guess.

This Brenda who runs the pin-up blog is currently a finalist in a contest that required her to make a video about her collection. She stands to win $20K if her video gets enough votes, so go give it a look, and if you like what you see, drop a vote for her.
Be aware that her collections feature lots of ladies in their underwear and occasionally some mild nudity (including a very unexpected image of a topless Betty White in her younger days. Yes, that Betty White, the one from The Golden Girls! She wasn’t always somebody’s grandmother, you know…), just in case that sort of thing bothers you…

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Five Sci-Fi Movies

SFSignal asks the pressing question, “What 5 Sci-Fi Movies Do You Watch Over and Over?” I respond thusly:

  • Star Wars (Duh! And, of course, by “Star Wars,” I mean the very first one made, what you whippersnappers refer to as “Episode IV: A New Hope.” Of course, again, I stubbornly refuse to think of it in those terms.)
  • The Terminator
  • Superman: The Movie
  • Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn
  • The Fifth Element

Given the make-up of my All-Time Favorites list and my tendency to re-watch pretty much any movie I like, I can’t tell you how hard it was to narrow my choices to a mere five. I finally decided to go with the ones that I never, ever turn off if I happen to find them on television, the ones that still suck me in completely and make me laugh, cry, or just keep watching, no matter how many times I’ve seen them before. Even going by that criterion, however, my choices were still difficult. Because having to choose just sucks.

This has been another time-wasting collection of unsolicited trivia about yours truly. We now return you to more productive activities.

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It’s Tasertime!

I tend to be pretty anti-authoritarian by nature, and I’m deeply troubled whenever I hear about those who have power abusing those who do not. Even so, I just can’t seem to work up too much outrage over that incident that’s had the InterWebs buzzing for the last week or so, the one in which a University of Florida student got tasered after disrupting an appearance by Senator John Kerry.

The video evidence plainly shows that police had no good reason to zap him, considering he appears to be handcuffed, on the ground, and surrounded by about a half-dozen uniformed officers. But it also looks to me like this kid was going out of his way to make a scene and was egging on the blackbellies by acting like Dennis the Constitutional Peasant in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (“Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!”). I’ve also heard that Andrew Meyer, the student in question, is a known provocateur who butted his way to the front of the line so he could harangue Kerry, and that he had arranged for someone to film him in hopes (presumably) of getting his 15 seconds of YouTube fame (Warhol overestimated the country’s attention span, in my opinion).

I think Jon Stewart probably nailed the situation when he called it, “An unfortunate combination of police over-reaction and what appears to be student douche-baggery.”

Still, whatever Meyer’s true motivations and regardless of where you may stand on the question of whether his civil rights were violated, he did get his moment on YouTube:

These days, that seems to be about all that matters, doesn’t it?

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Overheard This Morning…

During a conversation here in the New Proofreaders’ Cave, deep in the bowels of one of the glorious metropolitan skyscrapers in fabulous downtown Salt Lake City:

“I feel so guilty about taking my dog’s Valium…”

Hey, whatever gets you through the day, right?

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How to Make a Good Remake

I haven’t exactly planned it this way, but it seems like I’ve been blogging a lot lately about movie and television remakes. (Probably just because of how damn many of them are currently under development. Anyone out there know of a site that has a comprehensive list of all the remakes that are either shooting now or at least are being talked about?) As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m generally opposed to them.

I am utterly convinced that studio heads these days think more in terms of branding than storytelling, that they figure a remake is an easier sell than something wholly original because the title and possibly the general premise are already known to the consumer. It’s like bringing out a new variety of Coke, rather than trying to find a niche for an entirely new beverage. But is that really so bad? My knee-jerk reaction is, yes, of course it’s bad, especially if somebody has the audacity to remake a movie that I personally love. (Escape from New York comes to mind, for example; it made a big impact on me as a kid, and I think it’s perfect just as it is, still a perfectly entertaining B-grade action flick. Except now it’s going to be a big-budget, CGI’d, and probably far-less-cool action flick.) I could go on for eight or nine hundred words about how creatively bankrupt it is to approach movie-making like factory work, and how disposable, forgettable, and ultimately pointless most remakes are.

Except… I can always find exceptions, can’t I? I’m on record here on this blog as saying that I’m okay, at least in principle, with updated versions of Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers, and Logan’s Run. I love the original versions of these, but revisiting them doesn’t bother me. However, the thought of a new Day the Earth Stood Still turns my stomach. So how do I reconcile these opposing viewpoints?

It seems I’m not the only movie buff who struggles with this issue. The proprietor of ScreenRant.com has been pondering the same thing, and he’s come up with several criteria for making a decent remake. As it so happens, I agree completely with his thinking, right down to the examples he’s chosen. With his indulgence for blantantly ripping him off, read on to see how I (and the ScreenRant guy) think remakes ought to be done:

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T-shirt of the Day

Spotted this morning on the train ride to work, a college kid in a black T that read:

Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.
–V

Understated geekery. Nice…

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