Simple Tricks and Nonsense

Well, kids, I'm sorry, but you're going to be on your own this week. The Girlfriend and I are leaving in the morning for a much-needed vacation. We're going to the City by the Bay, San Francisco. For me, it's a long-overdue return to the first place I ever traveled as a grown-up, seventeen long years ago, but it'll be Anne's first visit to one of America's most cosmopolitan urban areas. We've both had a long, hard summer, we're both tired and eager to be gone from our usual surroundings, and we can't wait to get down there and find ourselves some adventure...

Play nice while we're gone, and I'll see you all in a few days!

Posted by at 10:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My friend Erin posted a link to this clip earlier today, with the comment that it makes her happy every time she sees it, and "It's just nice to know, with all the divisiveness and conflict in the world today, that there are still some things that are universal."

I'll be damned if watching it didn't make me feel happy, too. See if you don't agree:

It comes from the website of a guy named Matt, who apparently wanders the world and dances. Not a bad way to spend your life, actually. And not a bad way to start a long holiday weekend after a really long week... have a good one, kids.

Posted by at 4:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've seen this site, which enables you to make maps of places you've been in your travels, a couple of times before, but I've never really played with it. Ilya's map this morning has inspired me, though, so here's my own map of all the states in the U.S. I have visited:

create your own personalized map of the USA

Not very impressive, is it? Certainly not for a guy who fancies himself a big traveler, anyway. According to the helpful statistics provided by MyWorld66.com, I have visited 11 of the 50 states, or only about 21% of the country. (I've actually set foot in several more states, but I figured passing through an airport doesn't count as actually visiting.) Ilya has done much better. However, in my defense, I would note that I have seen large tracts of many of the states I have visited, rather than just one or two cities or sights. I'll elaborate a bit below the fold (and explain the title), if you're at all interested...

Continue reading "Reading Departure Signs" »

Posted by at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I don't know what I expected -- in fact, I'm not sure I even had a preconceived notion of how Gettysburg would look -- but the actual place surprised me. The battlefield is huge, for one thing, probably several square miles across (although I admit to being lousy at estimating distances; my dad has long been frustrated by my tendency to think three inches look like one of them). I guess I must've imagined it as a modest hay field like the ones I remember growing up. It turned out to be a fan-shaped plain bounded by two ridges (well, they call them ridges, but they're not dramatic vanes of rock bursting out of the earth like the ridges around here; they're actually more like grassy linear hills). And I also figured it would be empty and solemn, with nothing but strands of grass to catch the fickle breeze. Instead, the place is lousy with monuments, statues, and cannons, and every rock where a general sat or rested a boot has a marker on it.

But that gives the wrong impression, makes the place sound vulgar or crass, and it's really not. It is, in fact, beautiful. The whole area is, with rolling hills and thick woodsy patches and more green than Utah will ever see, short of an atomic explosion in a local paint factory. I found it quite soothing, actually, even with the knowledge of what happened on that field 145 years ago, of how many men lost their lives in three days of brutal fighting and how much blood must have soaked into that soil.

I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to shape a narrative out of my quickie Pennsylvania adventure, but the fact is, there just wasn't much of a story there, so I think what I'll do instead of telling a story is just offer up a few highlights. In bullet-point form! Because everyone loves bullet-points...

Continue reading "Well, I'm Back" »

Posted by at 12:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

A couple weeks ago, I was on the phone with my "evil twin," the inimitable Cranky Robert, who was telling me he had to go to Pittsburgh, PA, on business. He mentioned that while he was there, he was thinking of maybe taking a field trip to Gettysburg, the pivotal battlefield of the American Civil War, which is only a few hours from Pittsburgh by car. I said that sounded really cool, that I've always wanted to go there myself. He immediately suggested I fly out and join him for the weekend, that we do a good old-fashioned, no-girls-allowed road trip.

I leave tonight on a red-eye flight that'll put me in Pittsburgh tomorrow morning.

I'm really looking forward to this. I haven't done this sort of thing in a long time, and I think I could really use it. It's going to be just like being 21 again, only with a lot less hair and about 40 extra pounds. C'est la vie...

You kids play nice while I'm gone. See you all next week...

Posted by at 3:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The travel site Expedia really knows how to push my buttons: they're now offering "Indiana Jones Travel Experiences," i.e., trip itineraries to India, Egypt, Italy, China, Jordan, Mexico, Peru, or the American Southwest, all places that have some kind of tie-in to the four Indy movies, and all of course intended to cash in on the marketing push surrounding Crystal Skull. Just book me for one big package that includes every one of these... and curse my movie-fueled imagination!

(Actually, the Southwestern destinations are all within a day's drive of me, so we can forget that one... but the others? One of these days, my friends, one of these days...)

Nice site design, anyhow.

Posted by at 3:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A mere 48 hours ago, I was holding hands with The Girlfriend and feeling very uncurmudgeonly as we watched Tinkerbell glide down from the Matterhorn amidst a shower of gold and blue fireworks.

Now I'm preparing to put my Krazy Kat out for the night so I can get to bed and be fresh for the morning's return to the New Proofreader's Cave deep in the bowels of... aw, to hell with it. You get the idea. My vacation is over and tomorrow it's back to Real Life™. Sigh.

I've experienced this letdown many times, but it always seems to take me by surprise anyhow. I simply can't believe how quickly something that you spend a year planning and gearing up for seems to ultimately pass. Almost as if it didn't happen at all.

I find it utterly depressing that the moments of your life when you feel the most truly alive, the most truly yourself, the most engaged and interested and happy are so rare and short-lived. Don't anyone try to lay that line on me about how this fleeting quality makes those moments all the more special, because I'm not sure I believe it. The truth is that I think it sucks major rocks that so much of our lives are composed of the mundane and soul-numbing. It seems like it shouldn't have to be this way.

Sigh again. Sorry to be a drag... so, how was everybody's week while I was away?

Posted by at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Well, kids, this is it... my suitcase is sitting on the bed waiting to be stuffed, and in only a few hours, I'll be breathing the sunny, ashen air of SoCal. (Those fires had great timing, didn't they?) Play nice while I'm gone, remember to be excellent to each other, and Happy Halloween. Here's a little something to remember me by:

Is it just me, or was Belinda Carlisle a lot hotter when she was chunky and using drugs than when she cleaned up and went solo? Maybe it's me...

Posted by at 9:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, if you've been following along with the home version of our game, you're no doubt aware that (a) my job has been a real drag lately, and (b) the only thing that's been keeping me going has been the promise of an upcoming vacation. As of today, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... I just hope it's not the California Zephyr.

Sorry, old joke. Probably wasn't very funny even when it was new.

Seriously, though, I'll be leaving a week from yesterday for the first real vacation I've had in several years... "real" meaning something longer than just an extended weekend somewhere within easy driving distance of Salt Lake. This won't be one of my dream journeys -- instead of a trek through Europe, I'll be spending a week in southern California with The Girlfriend and her entire family, visiting Disneyland and SeaWorld, among other touristy locales -- but I'm nevertheless looking forward to it. I desperately need the break, and I'm curious to see the Johnny Depp-bots that've been added to Pirates of the Caribbean (my favorite ride at Disneyland, FYI). Also, as much as I love my home landscape, especially in the fall when the leaves are bright and the snow is beginning to dust the mountains to the east of town, it'll be nice to have a change of scenery. Oh, and as a bonus, my good friend Cranky Robert, who lives in LA, and I are planning to get together and paint the town, too.

People are often puzzled by my attitude leading up to vacations. Unlike, say, The Girlfriend -- who has had a countdown to this vacation running in the corner of her cellphone display for weeks now -- I'm just not one to express a lot of obvious, bouncy enthusiasm, even for the bigger travel experiences I've had (England and Germany). To be honest, I tend not to think much about an impending holiday once the arrangements have been made, and my default habit is to pack my bags at 11 PM the night before I leave. This time, though... well, like I've repeatedly said, I need the break, and I am willing to admit that I'm feeling... moderately restless...

Posted by at 3:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Proving that tourism boosters will find a way to appeal to just about any niche or hobby group, here's a poster promoting Tunisia, the North African desert country that, as any good fanboy or 'girl should know, was the real-world stand-in for the planet Tatooine in the Star Wars films (not to mention several key scenes in Raiders of the Lost Ark):

According to this, these posters were being distributed at the Star Wars Celebration Europe convention last week. I'd love to have one for the Archives, and I wouldn't mind watching a sunset from the Hotel Sidi Driss, either. Guess those boosters know what they're doing after all...

[Update: Actually, a little bit of googling has turned up some trivia I didn't know, as shocking as that seems. The "double-sunset scene" in which Luke stands on the rim of the pit he and the Larses called home was actually shot at a place called Chott el Jerid, some distance away from the hotel that served as the interior locations of the Lars homestead.]

Posted by at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Blogger Shane Nickerson, travelling on business, offers up this sharp observation:

Chicks are hotter at the airport. I don't know why this is, but it's a fact. Take an average woman with clean hair and a pleasing figure and put her in an airport with a travel bag and some low-riding sweats, and she becomes a magnet to her fellow male travelers. It's like beer goggles, but in the airport. Airport goggles, I guess.

Oh, yeah. I've been there, Shane, I've been there. And I'd like to go back...

Posted by at 1:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, I'm home. The Girlfriend and I had a great time in Vegas, aside from the weather. As previously reported, it was hot. And when I say hot, I mean really hot, hotter than Utah -- which can get pretty uncomfortably warm -- ever thinks about getting. Hot like sticking-your-head-in-a-pizza-oven hot. It was so hot, I saw birds walking around with their beaks open, panting for breath. It was so hot, I think I saw some demons on furlough from the pits of hell lying prostrate on the side of the road, praying for shade. Or maybe those were just some Nevada Department of Transportation guys not doing their jobs -- I was singularly unimpressed by the roads in and around Vegas, and deeply annoyed the couple of times we got stuck dealing with construction. Long story, but basically the NDOT crews gave every indication of having no clue what they were doing, which meant that traffic was at a standstill for much longer than you want to be at a standstill when you're in the middle of a pizza oven.

Continue reading "Back in the Real World" »

Posted by at 1:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hey, kids, just a little FYI: The Girlfriend and I are leaving first thing in the morning for a road trip to Sin City. No, not that Sin City (although I'm sure we could find a spiritual sister to skinny little Nancy Callahan easily enough) -- I'm talking about wonderful Las Vegas here, home of the World Series of Poker and really cheap shrimp cocktail. My good friend Jeremy and his wife, who live down there, are expecting their first child in November, so we thought it'd be good to get together before everything changes. I'm told it's hotter than hell in Vegas right now, but this is the week that worked best for everyone. Besides, it's hotter than hell here in the SLC, too, so it's not like we won't be used to it.

I was hoping I'd find the time tonight to write a good long entry about the events of last weekend, but it'll have to wait, as it's late and I need to get some rest for tomorrow's drive. I intend to remain blissfully unplugged while I'm gone, so no fresh content until next week. Feel free to leave comments if you like, but they'll wait in limbo until I have the chance to review them.

Have a good one, loyal readers, and like the running gag in John Landis films, see you next Wednesday!

Posted by at 12:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Writing last week about my Cambridge adventure reminded me of something I ran across as I was cleaning up after The Great Water-Filter Containment Failure and Basement Flood of 2006. It's a padfolio, one of those cheap vinyl folder-thingies that you sometimes get as freebies at business functions, the ones that contain a mini-sized legal pad, a pen, and a pocket for miscellaneous papers. This particular padfolio is a souvenir of "Cinemark Customer Service University," a corporate training session I attended during my old multiplex days. Yes, it's true -- my minimum-wage, name-badge-wearing joe-job at the movie theater required me to attend a half-day company pep-relly on how to become a better ticket-taker. As I recall, the path to usher's nirvana basically involved more diligence in between-show lobby cleaning and never, ever questioning theater management about anything. As I further recall, this propaganda session and its breathlessly enthusiastic mantra of total obeisance to people who didn't have as much on the ball as my pet duck was one of the final straws that convinced me it was time to start looking for a more grown-up occupation. (True story: the day I finally quit, I had to explain to my manager what I meant when I said, "I tender my resignation." He'd never heard that expression before. And this was the guy I was supposed to bow and scrape to because he was my "superior." Oy.)

Sour grapes aside, I'm not one to throw away free stuff, so, naturally, I used the padfolio and, naturally, I've still got it. And I'm sure by this point you're all muttering under your breath, "Yes, fine, Bennion, we all know you tend to horde crap, but what has this got to do with Cambridge?" I was just getting to that...

Continue reading "My Goal List, ca. 1992" »

Posted by at 6:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I no longer recall -- and my journals from the time do not record -- exactly how or why I decided to go to England in the summer of 1993. That's a rather significant decision. You'd think I would've written something about it, right? But, no, I was too preoccupied with girl troubles and trying to figure out what to do with my life. Just one more miscalculation of priorities for which I'd like to smack my younger self in the head.

Continue reading "Cambridge Photos Now Online" »

Posted by at 10:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Our guide warned us that we'd likely encounter bison on the road to Old Faithful, but there's a big difference between hearing something like that, understanding it intellectually, and actually coming around a bend to find your path blocked by an animal the size of a Volkswagen.

Continue reading "Yellowstone Adventure" »

Posted by at 10:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Hey again, kids. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. Hope you haven't missed my sterling prose too much. I've been working on a nice long recap of Anne's and my Yellowstone snowmobiling adventure, and I was planning to post it tonight, but...

There's always a "but" when computers are involved, isn't there? In this case, the "but" refers to the way I somehow lost three-quarters of the entry when I tried to e-mail the part I wrote at work this afternoon to myself so I could finish it tonight here at home. I'm hoping I can recover it tomorrow when I get into the office. If I can't, I'm going to be a very unhappy blogger, because I thought what I'd done was quite good. For a change. I haven't been terribly proud of my recent writing here at Simple Tricks; this entry, however, seemed to be going very well.

In any event, I'm long overdue to give you guys something -- I'm surprised my three loyal readers aren't banging their tin cups against the bars by this time -- but about all I have to give you tonight is another of those e-mail survey thingies that occasionally makes a circle of the 'net. You know, those long lists of random questions that try to elicit trivial responses. It's kind of lame, I know, but it's quick content, and you may learn something interesting about moi. Hopefully, I'll find my travel piece waiting for me tomorrow and I'll be able to finish it and get it up to you before tomorrow night. In the meantime, enjoy the trivia...

Continue reading "Consolation Prize" »

Posted by at 11:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hey, kids, just thought I'd drop by and let my three loyal readers know that I did not end up as moose-fodder last weekend, as you may be imagining based on the lack of activity here. Anne and I returned safely from Yellowstone on Sunday night, following two days of driving on snow-packed roads in a mid-size four-door and one day of zipping through a snow-packed forest wonderland on a snowmobile. Since I got home, however, my employers have done their best to discourage me from ever taking another day off by chaining me to my desk, fitting me with a catheter and a feeding tube, and burying me in paper. (I think I prefer the nice, peaceful drifts of snow I saw in Montana to the drifts of former tree-pulp that are accumulating around my desk...)

I do have traveler's tales to tell, it's just a matter of how soon I'll be able to escape from the office and put them down on paper. Er, on screen. Whatever... just keep checking back, I'll have something about the trip soon...

Posted by at 9:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

By the time my three loyal readers see this entry, The Girlfriend and I should be well on our way to West Yellowstone, Montana, where a quick weekend adventure awaits. It's a long story, but basically, she had some business dealings with a place up there that offered to give her and a guest (that would be me) complimentary lodgings and a snowmobile tour of the park. Neither of us are exactly what you'd call outdoorsy types, but the lure of a virtually free weekend away from the wintertime smog of Salt Lake was too tempting to resist. We said yes about a month ago, we bought ourselves some long underwear a couple weeks ago, and by tomorrow we'll be looking for moose in America's first National Park.

However, I didn't want to leave all you folks in InternetLand with nothing to look at on the dull final Friday of January, so in the spirit of last week's post -- that is, in an effort to clean out one of my bookmark folders -- here are a few links you may find interesting. I know I did...

Continue reading "Some Friday Reading" »

Posted by at 12:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My employer has generously given me the week off, so between now and New Year's, I hope to clear the decks around here by blogging about a whole mess of topics and links that I've been gathering over the past few weeks.

First up is another of those list-style memes I occasionally run across, this one based around the number four. For your post-Christmas, Monday-morning amusement, I present the following bits of trivial information about yours truly:

Continue reading "Meme of Fours" »

Posted by at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been meaning to post this item for several days, but I keep getting distracted by other topics. Today, however, is quiet at work and snowy outside, and nothing much has caught my eye during my 'net wanderings, so let's take care of some older business, shall we?

One of my Three Loyal Readers, the irrepressible Chenopup, has sent word of an interesting new tourist attraction now taking shape on the western rim of the Grand Canyon: a cantilevered glass Skywalk extending out over the edge of the canyon itself. Part of a visitor's center located on the Hualapai Nation Indian reservation, the Skywalk is a U-shaped observation deck that will enable tourists to take a scenic stroll some 4000 feet above the canyon's floor. An artist's conception can be seen here.

You know, it's funny. I hate going up on the roof of my old single-story bungalow to hang Christmas lights -- I always have this horrible, Vertigo-esque picture in my mind of falling backwards off the eaves, arms windmilling crazily as I drop flat on my back onto the concrete driveway below -- but I love all those tall, tourist-attraction observation decks. One of my fondest memories is standing on the roof of the gone-but-not-forgotten World Trade Center, with the wind in my face and the entire world at my feet. For the record, I've also been atop the Empire State Building, the pedastal of the Statue of Liberty (the wait to reach the crown was 90 minutes the day I was there, an untenable proposition in New York's horrible summertime heat and humidity), and various European churches and cathedrals. I'd like to someday go up in the Gateway Arch, the Space Needle, the Eiffel Tower, of course, and the Petronas Towers. Hell, I'd even be up for hiking the Sydney Harbour bridge. But I suspect I'll probably make it to the Grand Canyon Skywalk much sooner.

Incidentally, the Hualapai are also building an authentic Indian village near the Skywalk and its visitor center, which will host cultural performances and the like, and visitors can also have a "true Western experience" with Wild West performances, open-fire cookouts, and horseback riding at the Hualapai Ranch. It all sounds incredibly touristy, and absolutely fabulous, and it's all supposed to be open for business in January. Road trip!

Posted by at 5:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I was planning to write a brief, light-hearted entry today to explain why I haven't been posting much this week, but that doesn't seem terribly important after seeing the headlines about the London terror attacks. This kind of madness makes me sad no matter where it occurs, but seeing it blacken the heart of one of my favorite places in all the world really hurts.

Continue reading "Oh, London..." »

Posted by at 1:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

A few days ago, John Scalzi posted an entry on his blog called 10 Things I've Done You Probably Haven't. As he explained, this is another of those LiveJournal triggers, or "memes," that are supposed to get you thinking about your life. In this case, you're supposed to list ten experiences or accomplishments that are unique to you. Presumably this exercise is intended to help you realize how cool you really are, or at least give you something to write about.

Since I'm always on the lookout for new blogging inspirations -- that is, I'm a copycat -- I figured I'd take a stab at this one myself. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. It turns out that a lot of the cool things I've done aren't so very different from things I know my friends have done themselves. For example, most of my really memorable experiences are somehow related to travelling, and I know that several of the folks who read this blog have travelled to the same or similar places that I have. In some cases, my friends were actually with me and shared my most memorable experiences, so I can't really say that all of the things on my list are unique to me. But I gave it my best effort and I think I came up with a few items that most of my readers probably haven't experienced. In any event, here's my list, presented in no particular order:

Continue reading "Ten Things" »

Posted by at 1:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

There's a great quotation today on Vagablogging, a travel-themed blog I like to follow:

Continue reading "The Lure of the Possible" »

Posted by at 4:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Just in case you were wondering, Anne and her folks got back from their big Church history tour last night. I was waiting at the airport to collect them, marvelling at the colossal lack of style shown by most of the people around me. I'm not exactly George Clooney in the sartorial department, but most people these days seem to travel in their gym clothes -- sweatpants, sweatshirts, hoodies, t-shirts, wifebeaters, and ball caps. Everything loose-fitting, untucked, often several sizes too big. The look was so common last night that the occasional pair of jeans was remarkable, and the lone gentlemen in a sport coat and tie was downright startling. (He was an older man, of course, old enough to remember when t-shirts were considered to be undergarments only.) Most of the athletic outfits were nondescript and without obvious logos, but then there was the family of gang-banger wannabes that was dressed head-to-toe in Oakland Raiders-wear. An entire family -- late-twentysomething mom and dad, a tall boy about ten or twelve and a younger boy, maybe seven or eight years old -- garbed in officially-licensed, Raider-branded black-and-gray. Dad wore an expensive-looking leather team jacket; mom had a slightly-less pricey fleece version. And all of them wore those ubiquitous nylon workout pants with the snaps down the sides of the legs. They must've spent a small fortune at Fanzz to acquire all that stuff.

Continue reading "Return of the Girlfriend" »

Posted by at 1:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

OK, assuming that I haven't scared away my loyal readers with three consecutive entries about Michael Moore, I promise that I'm done talking politics for a while. Today I thought I'd throw a bone to you armchair travelers looking for vicarious Mormon history-tour thrills by catching you up on Anne's whereabouts...

Continue reading "Shane! Come back, Shane!" »

Posted by at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

So, by this time my regular readers -- all three of you -- are probably wondering what's been consuming so much of my valuable blogging time these past few weeks. Well, I'd love to tell you that I've been on photographing wild tigers in India, or battling the World Crime League for control of the global licorice market, or something equally glamorous and noteworthy. Unfortunately, the truth is far more mundane: I've been under the gun at work, finishing a project I've been working on since May while simultaneously trying to line up another one so I'll be financially sound through the end of the year. (The latter goal is still uncertain as of this writing, by the way; ahhhh, the life of a contractor is nothing but one long adventure...) Meanwhile, my free time has been booked with social events and domestic chores that have kept me away from the computer. (No! Don't make me breathe fresh air and associate with actual, non-virtual humans!) However, I can finally see some blank space opening up in the schedule. In fact, as of last night my social calendar is nothing but blank space, due to my lovely Anne skipping town with her parents for the next two weeks. They've flown back east to explore various sites related to the history of the Mormon Church, along with a handful of carefully chosen secular attractions. Such a trip wouldn't really be my cup of darjeeling, but Anne -- who was raised in the Church and still maintains a fairly high level of faith, despite being involved with a flaming agnostic such as myself -- has really been looking forward to it. She hasn't had many chances to travel in her life and often has struggled with a certain degree of jealousy while I've gone off on my own journeys, so I'm excited and happy for her.

Continue reading "Where's Bennion? Also, Where's Bennion's Woman?" »

Posted by at 3:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Just a quick note to let everyone know I've added a new album to my long-neglected photo gallery. This one contains pictures from a trip I took to Germany last fall. I've actually been working on this album for quite a while, scanning and adding photos a few at a time, so some of you may have already seen some of these shots. Even so, the album is finally in its finished form with captions and descriptions, so I invite everyone to go check it out.

Posted by at 1:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)