Simple Tricks and Nonsense

Another of Those Time-Wasting E-Mail Survey Thingies

This entry is pretty much just what the subject line says it is, a little survey called "Getting to Know Your Friends" that found its way into my inbox the other day. It's silly, but it's something to do on a late-summer afternoon that really seems interminable...

1. What is your occupation?

   Until very recently, I earned my living by writing soulless, superficial, mind-numbingly dull technical and marketing documents. Now I earn my living by proofreading soulless, superficial, mind-numbingly dull technical and marketing documents. That's just the day job, though. I'm really a novelist and screenwriter. Just like everybody else I know.

2. What are you listening to right now?

   The whoosh of an air conditioner, the drone of a female voice coming through someone's speaker-phone several cubicles away, and the clickety-clackety of lots of fingers on lots of keyboards.

3. What was the last thing you ate?

   A handful of free pretzels from the break room. Also known as Purina Proofreader Chow.

4. Do you wish on stars?

   Not since those unfortunate incidents involving the little wooden boy and the alien mother ship.

5. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

   "Raw umber." Which, I understand, Crayola no longer makes. Figures.

6. How is the weather right now?

   Air-conditioned and fluorescently lighted.

7. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

   My significant other, Anne.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

   I hope so, otherwise one of my enemies has gotten hold of my e-mail address.

9. Favorite drink?

   Anything that gives off smoke and has "one large gold brick" on the ingredients list.

10. Favorite sport to watch? On TV???

    Since I don't enjoy sports in general, I'm not really qualified to answer this. But if you really twist my arm... female beach volleyball. As if you couldn't see that one coming.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

    Hair? What hair?

12. Do you wear contacts or glasses?

    Glasses, ever since someone said something to me about the trees on the ridgeline and I said, "There are trees on the ridgeline?"

13. Pets?

    One. A psychotic border collie named Shadow. Although I'm also an adoptive father to Anne's poodle, Rusty. And a benevolent, god-like provider of food to the dozen or so feral cats that live in my backyard.

14. What was the last movie you watched?

    In a theater? Fantastic Four.
    At home? On DVD? A.I. Artificial Intelligence. On VHS? The Graduate.
    Sorry if that's more information than required, but the question was imprecisely worded.

15. Favorite day of the year?

    The last one before fall teeters into winter.

16. What do you do to vent anger?

    It varies, but it almost always involves "colorful metaphors."

17. What was your favorite toy as a child?

    Hm. Tough one. I had so many. My old Star Trek phaser was cool, until Dad took the batteries out because he got tired of the sound effects. And then there was that electronic starship toy that made roaring engine sounds that changed in pitch depending on the ship's angle. Until Dad took the batteries out. And I had a cool police car toy with a working siren. At least it worked until Dad took the batteries out...

18. Fall or Spring?

    See my answer two items back.

19. Hugs or kisses?

    Neither unless you promise to respect me in the morning.

20. Cherry or Blueberry?

    Cherry, of course.

21. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?

    It is the polite thing to do...

22. Who is most likely to respond?

    Oh, you mean if I were to have sent this survey around by e-mail instead of blogging it? Hell, I don't know...

23. Who is least likely to respond?

    See above.

24. Living arrangements?

    In a house.

25. When was the last time you cried?

    While watching Fantastic Four. Make of that what you will.

26. What is on the floor of your closet?

    Several pairs of shoes I don't wear anymore, coated in lots and lots of dust.

27. Who is the friend you have had the LONGEST?

    Keith Jensen.

28. What did you do last night?

    The usual: dinner, aimless channel-surfing in the hopes that I might find something worth watching, a phone call to Anne, and a nightcap of Fudge Stripe cookies and milk.

29. Favorite smells?

    Woodsmoke on a crisp evening, coffee brewing on a crisp morning, fresh-cut alfalfa, new leather, and vanilla...

30. What are you afraid of?

    Failure. Humiliation. Arriving at work without my pants. The usual.

31. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?

    Cheese. Because everything's better with cheese.

32. Favorite car?

    I'm rather fond of a particular 1963 Ford Galaxie. But my '03 Mustang is cool, too. And I'd like to have a DeLorean someday. Or a Cobra. Or a '61 'vette, or a Mercedes Gullwing, or if you want to get really crazy, a Duesenberg roadster. Mostly I'd like to own Harrah's Car Collection.

33. Favorite dog breed?

    Well, aside from being genetically predisposed toward obsessive-compulsive disorder, border collies are pretty cool.

34. Number of keys on your key ring?

    Two. But I also carry two more in my pocket. Hey, I don't always drive, so I don't need the car keys all the time...

35. How many years at your current job?

    It's more a matter of weeks, actually.

36. Favorite day of the week?

    Sunday. It's the only one when I usually have no obligations the moment I wake up in the morning.

37. How many states have you lived in?

    Well, in the strict biological sense of life-functions occurring while I was in a particular state, nine. If you're talking long-term residency, then only one.

38. How many cities have you lived in?

    Short-term, as described above? Probably a dozen or so. Long-term, then only one.

39. Do you enjoy receiving these [surveys]?

    Sure. I'm all about narcissistic rambling...
    

If anyone's still out there reading this so late on a Friday evening, it's time to log off now. Go and have a good weekend, folks...