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May 31, 2007

Next Stop: 1977... Again!

Just in case there's anyone out there who still has any sort of appetite for Star Wars-related crap, a couple of quickie links:

First up, an amazing repository of info about the original release: the exact theaters in which it played, the reasons why there were so few of them, and the variants of the film that existed right from the very beginning, long before G. Lucas ever heard the term "CGI." Fascinating stuff if you're at all interested in Star Wars as an artifact instead of a story.

And even though I know that remembrances and tributes to the anniversary have been a dime a dozen in the blogosphere over the past week, this one from The Digital Bits pretty much sums them all up:

Three decades ago, on May 25th, 1977, the first few thousand members of an entire generation of young filmgoers had their minds blown away... and the rest would soon join them in the weeks and months that followed. Like many of them, I'm turning 40 this year and have over time developed something of a love/hate relationship with all things Star Wars. Padawans and midichlorians have soured the Saga a bit for folks like me, but I still can never forget how that initial viewing of the original film in an old dark theater with a couple hundred other people changed my life. It was the first time I was ever so excited by a film that I literally leaped out of my seat cheering. And then came the waiting. Back in the late 70s and early 80s, there was no Internet. There were no fan sites and discussion forums. All you got was Starlog magazine, and they didn't print spoilers. So you just had to suck it up wait three years for the next film... and incredibly, The Empire Strikes Back was even better! But oh, the humanity! Could Darth Vader REALLY be Luke's father?! How was a 13-year old mind to deal with that? Simple. You stumbled into the restroom, splashed some water on your face to recover from the shock... and snuck right back into the theater to see the next showing. Then you had to wait three MORE years to find out if it was true! But in the meantime, there was E.T. to see, and Blade Runner and Raiders of the Lost Ark! And the original Star Wars was being released back into theaters, and Alien and Close Encounters and Superman II were all on HBO - cable was such a cool new thing at that point. It wasn't all roses to be sure. Eleanor Ringel Gillespie of the The Atlanta Journal-Constitution posted a column earlier this week bemoaning how the blockbuster success of Jaws and Star Wars killed the commercial prospects for the kind of more substantial filmmaking that had dominated the 70s to that point. And she's right. In fact, the dearth of good mainstream dramatic Hollywood filmmaking today can arguably be traced right back to May 25th, 1977. Most every studio head these days would rather chase an epic fantasy franchise instead of nurturing off-beat, thoughtful film fare, and all too many young directors and writers want to make a Star Wars of their own. But that's now... and this was then. And back then... well, it was a helluva great time to be a kid going to the movies, I'll tell you.

And that, my friends, is all I'm going to say about Star Wars this week. Promise...

The Future That Never Happened

Since I seem to be time-travelling today anyhow (I've already been to 1999 and 1976), let's take a moment to consider the future...

Or rather, let's consider the future that didn't materialize. As I've lamented before, the 21st Century we're now living in doesn't look much like the one we were promised when I was a kid, the occasional real-life rocketship notwithstanding. A recent book review by Simon Reynolds on Salon.com makes it clear that I'm not the only one who feels diasappointed:

Staring out of my window in Manhattan's East Village the other day, it struck me suddenly that the street scene below did not differ in any significant way from how it would have looked in 1967. Maybe even 1947. Oh, the design of automobiles has changed a bit, but combustion-engine-propelled ground-level vehicles are still how we get around, as opposed to flying cars or teleportation. Pedestrians trudge along sidewalks rather than swooshing along high-speed moving travelators. And even in hipster-friendly New York, most people's clothes and hair don't look especially outlandish. From the trusty traffic meters and sturdy blue mailboxes to the iconic yellow taxis and occasional cop on horseback, 21st century New York looks distressingly nonfuturistic. For a former science science fiction fanatic like me, this is brutally disappointing.

I'm not the only one who yearns for the future that never showed up. The frustration is widely felt and has been mounting for some time, gathering serious speed in the late '90s when the really-ought-to-be-momentous new millennium loomed. Dates like "1999," "2000" and "2001" set off special reverberations -- not just for the science fiction fans among us but for plenty of regular folk too. Even now, when we should have grown blasé about living in the 21st century, the dates still have a faint futuroid tang, a poignant trace of what should have been. The obvious landmarks of tomorrow's world never materialized: vacations to the moon, 900 miles per hour transatlantic trains hurtling through vacuum tunnels. But the absence is felt equally in the fabric of daily life, the way that the experience of cooking an egg or taking a shower hasn't changed in our lifetime.

Nostalgia for the future, neostalgia -- whatever you wanna call this peculiar unrequited feeling -- is widespread enough to constitute a market

Reynolds' ostensible purpose in writing is to review a new book called Where's My Jetpack? A Guide to the Amazing Science Fiction Future That Never Arrived by Daniel H. Wilson, but he devotes most of his attention to exploring the history of future studies and how our big expectations have eroded bit by bit:

Wilson's talk of space elevators and other grandiose inventions like solar mirrors or the fully enclosed city indicates how our expectations of the "futuristic" have undergone an insidious scaling down in recent decades. Mostly, "the future" seems to infiltrate our lives in a low-key, subtle fashion. In their own way, the miniaturization of communications technology (cellphones, BlackBerrys, etc.) and the compression of information (iPods, MP3s, YouTube, downloadable movies, etc.) are just as mind-blowing as the space stations and robots once pictured as the everyday scenery of 21st century life. Macro simply looks way more impressive than micro.

Sometimes it feels as if progress itself has actually slowed down, with the 1960s as the climax of a 20th century surge of innovation, and the decades that followed consisting of a weird mix of consolidation, stagnation and rollback.

...

Today we seem to have trouble picturing the future, except in cataclysmic terms or as the present gone worse (Children of Men). Our inability to generate positive and alluring images of tomorrow's world has been accompanied by the fading prominence of futurology as a form of popular nonfiction.

Reynolds ultimately doesn't think much of the book he's reviewing, but his insights about the subject in general are well worth reading. He articulates most of my own thinking and leaves me wishing I'd gotten around to writing about this first.

I also wish that people, including myself, were still excited about the march of progress, rather than apprehensive or indifferent to it. The future used to be a much friendlier and more exciting place...

[Ed. note: The links in the quoted material above are mine, not Reynolds'. I thought I'd do a little public service for those Loyal Readers who didn't live and breathe this stuff growing up, the way I did.]

Trippy Bicentennial Cartoon

You know, I like to think I've got pretty good recall of all the various things I was exposed to during my childhood, especially the pop-cultural stuff, but even I have forgotten a lot of the truly weird crap that was floating around in the 1970s. Consider, for example, this animated musical tribute to our nation's 1976 Bicentennial:

I think my favorite bit is the cornucopia spewing forth hamburgers, hot dogs, and console television sets. That's America in a nutshell, isn't it?

I'm Time-Travelling Again

According to the digital clock-sign at the train station this morning, it was 4.21 AM, January 1, 1999. Oh, goodie, now I can relive all the madness that led up to the premiere of The Phantom Menace...

(Seriously, that would be fun, don't you think? The final few moments of unadulterated excitement before Star Wars fandom broke down into testy pro and con factions...)

May 30, 2007

Ever Wonder How Big the Enterprise Really Is?

Okay, so we all know intellectually that those imaginary spaceships we love in movies and on TV would be really frakkin' big if they were real, but do you have a genuine, visceral sense for how big? Have a look at the image below:

That's the handiwork of one Jason Fortuny, who decided to see how the U.S.S. Enterprise (the Next Generation version) would relate to his home town of Seattle. Various sources put the ship's official length at 643 meters. As you can see, that's gobsmackingly big in relation to real-world objects we can actually relate to, about seven city blocks long. Click the image to see it larger, and then click through to Jason's site to see the ship's silhouette laid over a GoogleEarth map of the city. Neat stuff...

Virgin Mega-Sale

Just a little PSA for anyone who lives in the Salt Lake area: the Virgin Megastore at Gateway is going out of business, and everything in the place is currently 25% off. Even with that hefty of a discount, the prices are still higher than you'd pay online -- no doubt that's why they're going out of business -- but a sharp-eyed shopper might be able to land some bargains. I myself picked up those groovy multi-disc collector's editions of Rebel Without a Cause, The Maltese Falcon, and Forbidden Planet, as well as Edward Scissorhands for The Girlfriend. Just in case you were wondering...

Did the Earth Move for You, Too?

So, Monday night, The Girlfriend and I were at her apartment catching up on the season finale of 24. (Last week was a busy one, so I taped all the season finales; tonight we're planning to see how Lost wrapped up. And yes, I recorded these shows on good old-fashioned VHS tape. None of them fancy digital video hard-drive doohickeys for this grumpy old curmudgeon!) We were down to the final five tension-filled minutes when we heard something that can only be described using one of those comic-book sound-effect tags: crackBOOOOOM!!!

This was followed by the couch lurching sharply sideways.

Anne and I looked at each other with the same "what the hell was that?" expression, then she asked if I thought we ought to go outside. This seemed a prudent course of action...

Out on her patio, the world looked perfectly normal. No cracks had appeared in the earth or in the apartment building behind us, no flash of eldritch green light was glowing in the sky, nothing at all out of the ordinary. I asked a passing couple if they'd just felt the something odd and they looked at me as if I'd spoken in Swahili.

After a minute or so of nothing happening, Anne and I convinced ourselves that the upstairs neighbor must've dropped a particularly heavy piece of furniture or something and we went back to the increasingly unlikely adventures of Jack Bauer.

Turns out that the crackBOOOM was a small earthquake, just as we first assumed.

Utah is seismically active -- the local media seems to do a "what will happen when The Big One hits" story about every six or eight months -- but the inhabited parts of the state rarely experience any noticeable tremors, and we natives rarely think much about living on top of a major fault line. (That would be the Wasatch Fault, for you out-of-towners.) The last quake I recall feeling occurred a good fifteen years ago; like the one I experienced Monday, it was big enough to get my attention (it woke me up actually) but small enough and over so quickly that I was left wondering if I'd imagined the whole damn thing.

I can tell you this much, if you've never felt an honest-to-god earthquake: it's extremely weird and upsetting to feel the whole world shake beneath you. The one the other night was a mere 2.3 magnitude, and it gave me a severe case of The Willies. I hope I never feel a stronger one. Not because I fear the house coming down around me, although that is a pretty scary thought. No, what I dislike so much about the experience is the utterly helpless feeling of knowing, forcibly and unavoidably, that you have absolutely no control over what's happening. Even a tiny quake reminds you that you are but a puny insignificance alongside the power and sheer scale of the planet itself...

May 29, 2007

By Request: More Crap!

All right, all right, the people have spoken (well, three of you have, anyway), so here you go: more Star Wars crap!

  • First up, an amazing Lego spaceport that no doubt took far more patience to build than my entire lifetime supply of that precious commodity.

  • A blog entry detailing the search for "fake Wedge," i.e., the guy who says "that's impossible, even for a computer," only to be verbally smacked down by some smart-ass farmboy from the Outer Rim who thinks that thermal exhaust ports are somehow similar to oversized vermin. (I've always liked the line that follows in the novel version, when Fake Wedge asks Luke if these "womp rats" are firing back at him with big-ass energy rifles, or something to that effect.)

    To explain, the script said the guy sitting next to Luke in the briefing room scene was Wedge Antilles, the only X-Wing pilot other than Luke who would survive the Death Star assault (and all three original movies); however, the actor who says that line to Mark Hamill obviously is not Denis Lawson, who played Wedge in all of the cockpit scenes, as well as in the subsequent movies. (Lawson also happens to be, curiously enough, Ewan "young Obi-Wan" McGregor's uncle; small galaxy, eh?)

  • From the Celebration IV con-blog, highlights of a panel discussion with the special-effects masters who made the Falcon fly... and they did it without frakkin' computers! (Dennis Muren: "The nice thing about [making Star Wars] was that it was a very touch and feel industry at that time. You could feel the models whether we were shooting them or picking them up and mounting them – the model makers feel them and feel the weight of them and have a real connection with the objects they were working on. I think it affected the way we thought about the shots – the fact that they were more real. It’s very difficult to have that same experience in CG."); highlights from a discussion with sound-FX maestro Ben Burtt; and Burtt explains how he came to use that infamous scream we lovingly know as "Wilhelm."

  • Just released this weekend, a preview of the new, CG-animation television series that's been rumored for a while now, Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Color me unimpressed. For one thing, I'm far less interested in the Clone Wars era than in the "Rebellion against the Empire" era (although I can see why it would be good strategy for George to keep puttering about in the CWE, given how many unanswered questions we all have about the events of the prequels). Also, the animation style doesn't appeal much to me; I liked Genndy Tartakovsky's hand-drawn Clone Wars series from a couple years ago, but this thing looks far too much like a video game for my tastes. I guess that's what the kids like these days, though. Stupid little whippersnappers...

  • Returning to the convention, here is a sampling of photos that caught my eye:

    1. Part of an incredible Endor diorama display, here is the Imperial landing pad, complete with a shuttle and walkers.

    2. The actual Endor power generator miniature used in filming Return of the Jedi (This is briefly glimpsed through the control-room window when Han Solo and the Rebel commandos take the Imperial bunker.) One of the things I love about good old-fashioned miniatures, as opposed to CGI, is that they were often constructed from or adorned with real-world objects. In this case, note the Dixie cups that form the pylon-looking thingies.

    3. Some celebrities in attendance: Jane Wiedlin, rhythm guitarist of 1980s all-girl band The Go-Gos; Seth Green, a.k.a. Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame, a.k.a. Scott Evil from the Austin Powers movies, and co-creator of the Robot Chicken series, whose upcoming Star Wars spoof looks like a real winner); and SW alum Carrie Fisher as she is inducted into the 501st Legion, the big Star Wars costuming group.

    4. A car decked out to look like the Millenium Falcon. Well, sort of. As much as a rectangular car body can look like a saucer-shaped spaceship.

    5. Obi-Shawn's "H-Wing" car, which I believe I've blogged about before but I can't track down the entry. Here is his web site, if you want to see more shots of this amazing (if somewhat impractical) fanboy tribute. (On a related note, check out Road Squadron, a web site that catalogs similarly modified cars and trucks; this guy probably wins on size alone...)

    6. Here's something I would've liked to see: Boba Fett arriving via rocket pack -- for real.

    7. And a few of the notable fan costumes: chicks dig a guy in uniform (notice in the comments on this one that some geek immediately starts complaining about the costumes, rather than admiring the, um, recruit... must you reinforce the stereotype, guys?); it's Li'l Padme!; here is Mara Jade, a fan fave from the "Expanded Universe" of the comics and tie-in novels; behold, the horrors of Man-Leia!; and, just to cleanse your poor, bleeding eye sockets after that, a veritable plethora of Slave Leias, getting cozy with their main man, er, Hutt.

  • If you still haven't had enough, Wired.com has a handy-dandy index of all its past articles relating to Uncle George, Lucasfilm, and/or the Saga.

  • And finally, just to end on a contrarian note, here's an essay that mourns the decline of so-called "serious science fiction" movies, the blame for which the author lays at the well-heeled feet of George Lucas. While his article is well-written and argued, I think the author misses the true reason why his beloved "serious science fiction" rarely succeeds with the general public: it's depressing as hell. Consider the eight "serious sci-fi triumphs" of the last four decades named in this piece: Planet of the Apes, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Soylent Green, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Brazil, Dark City, The Matrix, and Children of Men. With the exception of Close Encounters, all of these movies are stupefyingly grim. (I would also argue, myself, that The Matrix isn't nearly as "serious" as its admirers would have us believe, but then I've never quite gotten the fuss over that one.) The way I see it, the trend the author decries really has little to do with special effects or Lucas' influence and everything to do with the fact that everyone who tries to do "serious" ends up doing "depressing" instead. Is it not possible to examine serious ideas in a fun movie? (Fans of The Matrix would argue that that's what the Wachowski Bros. did, but, as I've said repeatedly, I didn't think The Matrix was all that much fun. Your mileage may vary.) I don't know, maybe it's not possible... or maybe the right film just hasn't been made yet...

May 25, 2007

Drive-By Blogging 3: Revenge of the Blog

In honor of the 30th anniversary of my all-time favorite film -- and if you don't know what that is by now, then you haven't been paying attention -- allow me to present a whole mess of related links. You folks out there in InternetLand enjoy looking at this stuff tonight; me, I'll be off watching the movie itself. My bootlegged copy of the original, unrevised version, of course...

  • French psychiatrists have determined that Darth Vader suffers from "borderline personality disorder". Wow, you think?

    Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental illness marked by instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior, according to background information on the Web site of the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

    ...

    [The] team describes [Anakin] Skywalker's symptoms, including problems with controlling anger and impulsivity, temporary stress-related paranoia, "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (when trying to save his wife at all costs), and a pattern of unstable and intense personal relationships," including his relationships with his Jedi masters.

    Changing his name and turning into "Darth Vader" is a red flag of Skywalker's disturbed identity...

  • Here's one I've had kicking around my files for awhile, photos of "Star wars on Earth" made by a French photographer. They're not all so great -- being either obvious photoshop jobs or just not terribly cool -- but I really liked this one.

  • More photos, this time of a Stormtrooper in Tokyo. Apparently, this is a Japanese fanboy (or else a fanboy living in Japan) who acquired a suit of 'trooper armor and likes to go out in public while wearing it. I love the sight of stormtroopers in everyday settings and interactions; I don't know why, except that it warms my heart. Like this one, for example; it's just funny. What's really great about it is the hot chick who seems utterly oblivious to the head-to-toe armored soldier from another galaxy standing next to her. I like this one, too; I'd feel much safer to have this guy watching for nutbars on my daily commute.

    (Incidentally, if you click through to this guy's page, as opposed to the single photos, don't be put off by the anime babes at the top -- just scroll down for stormtrooper-y goodness.)

  • Here is an essay that reinterprets the original Star Wars (Episode IV, if I must) in light of information contained in the prequels. The short version is that R2 and Chewie are secretly running the whole show.

  • To provide a sort of rebuttle to the above, check out D. Trull's thought exercise in which he imagines what would've happened if G. Lucas had never made any more Star Wars movies after the first one. He makes a very interesting point about the downside to "expanding the universe":

    ...The story would be far less profound and meaningful without the character development and psychological heft that the subsequent episodes incorporated. Without the plot complication that Luke Skywalker is the son of Darth Vader, who was a noble Jedi Knight until misguided emotions led him to self-destruction, we're left with a simple fairy tale where some good guys fight some bad guys and they both blow stuff up. We would be deprived of much more than five spectacularly fun and entertaining movies. We would be deprived of a modern-day mythology.

    But ironically enough, by the very same token, I believe that if the 1977 movie stood alone, Star Wars would be more popular, more revered and more respected today. That's right: not less of a classic. More of a classic.

    This is the conundrum. When it first appeared, this strange little movie from out of nowhere carried a tremendous freshness and purity. It really took us to a galaxy far, far away, and made us believe we were only seeing a small fragment of a complete world. It was easy for the viewer to put himself in the place of Luke, Han and Leia, using our imaginations to fill in the unseen details and intriguing backstories. When the later episodes came along to tell us the rest of the story, all of that immediately and irrevocably changed. The act of enriching and deepening the mythology also diminishes its universality and destroys that original purity that was so very much a part of the first film's appeal.

  • On a lighter note, check out some Star Wars toys that didn't make it. If I didn't already have a fairly well-established identity for my web-presence here, I think I'd change this blog's name to *Burning corpses sold separately.

  • After playing with your Dead Ewok action figure, you'll want a snack. If you're feeling creative, you can make your own Han Solo in Carbonite candy bar. Or maybe a Max Rebo cake. (That cake is awesome, by the way; I'd like to have such a cake sometime, if anybody is a really clever baker...)

  • My vote for the Lamest Star Wars Collectible of the Year: the "This is No Cave" Space Slug Envirorama. Um, yeah. Because that giant phallic symbol was the coolest part of Empire and I really want one in the center of my curio cabinet. Uh-huh, sure.

  • Speaking of curio cabinets, how would you like to work in one? You basically would if you worked for Industrial Light & Magic, Uncle George's special-effects shop. Here is a photo gallery showing some of the tchotchkes you can find around the offices of ILM. I especially like the Jar-Jar in carbonite display.

  • On a related note, here is a photo tour around the collection of uber-collector Steve Sansweet. Man, I wish I had his job. And his collection. And his cool space to house the collection...

  • An item that's been making the rounds of the InterWeb this week, a look at the cool illuminated advertising posters that have gone up in Orlando International Airport to promote the Disney-MGM Star Wars Weekend events. I think the funniest one is Vader standing in the screening line with his boots off, but my favorite is the TIE fighter sitting at the gate. Again, it's that whole "real world interaction" thing. I'd love to see this hardware in my everyday life.

  • I sort of can, if I ever go to Dubai, and if this thing ever gets built:

    The proposed Ras al Khaimah Convention and Exhibition Centre in the UAE bears a striking resemblance to the Death Star. Designed by Rem Koolhaas and Reinier de Graaf as part of their collaboration with OMA, the sphere holds a convention centre, hotel rooms, apartments, offices and retail space.

    There are more pics at the architect's site.

  • And finally, remember those 30 covers for Empire magazine that I mentioned the other day? Well, they've all been revealed now. They are conveniently grouped by "Classic Heroes," "Creatures," "Droids," "Sith," "Jedi," "Troopers," "Prequel Heroes," and "Bounty Hunters," with an exclusive cover for subscribers that reprints an old promo shot of Han, Luke, Leia and Chewie (one I've not seen -- imagine that!). Jar-Jar gets his own special cover, since he apparently isn't worthy to fit in any of the categories. Poor little Gungan. Never gets any love.

    The magazines are available to buy individually, or you can get the whole set for a mere 99 British pounds. Yikes!

And that, my friends, is that. I'm ringing down the curtain on this Star Wars Day now. I may be back over the weekend with some long-overdue entries I've been meaning to write, or I may not. We'll see how it goes.

In any event, Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

A Sampling From Around the Galaxy

The blogosphere is, not surprisingly, sagging under the weight of personal 30th anniversary remembrances today, so I thought I'd offer a few links to some "official" coverage:

  • The big Star Wars Celebration IV convention is going on in Los Angeles as I type. The con has an official blog and a photo stream. I am intrigued with Slave Leia belly-dancing.

  • ABC News has a then-and-now photo gallery with text to explain whatever happened to the various Star Warriors.

  • CNN.com offers up the standard overview and covers much of the same ground I already did in my big entry this morning. Don't just take my word for it, kids!

  • BBC News has a plethora of related pieces, including 30 pieces of trivia that should all be common knowledge to true fanboy types, an interview with Tony Daniels (a.k.a. C-3PO, human-cyborg relations), and a vintage (and very British) review that called the film "that rare commodity - an utterly delightful romp and you'll be sorry if you miss it."

  • And finally, it's not exactly anniversary-related, but Star Wars.com has posted a vintage commercial for some convenience store that has just gotten in a line of SW-themed cups. The presenter or whatever you call him isn't exactly a fountain of charisma, but I like this piece because it demonstrates what I was getting at earlier when I was talking about the organic growth of the merchandising and the very genuine enthusiasm that even extremely average guys felt for a movie that has now, unfortunately, come to be seen as some kind of nerdy cult thing.

    And for the record, I have a complete set of those cups. As if you couldn't have guessed that.

Back in a bit with more...

Revisiting My Memoirs

So, it occurs to me that the Big Anniversary Entry I posted earlier this morning is somewhat vague about my own personal experiences with Star Wars in the late '70s and early '80s, and some folks who are just joining us may wonder why. Well, it's because I've written about that subject before, of course:

I was seven years old in the summer of 1977, the prime age of susceptibility to a story featuring young, swashbuckling heroes, strange-looking creatures, and scary -- but not too scary -- villains. (See also Potter, Harry, Modern kids and.) I'm sure I must've seen a few movies on the big screen before then -- I vaguely recall a couple of early-70s live-action Disney films about people in really bad polyester knits -- but the first truly memorable film I saw in a theater...

Wait. Stop.

I'm not going to continue with that thought. My experience of seeing Star Wars for the first time couldn't have been much different than a lot of other people's. We were all kids, we'd never seen anything like it, we stood in lines that went around the block (literally, in my case -- I saw the film at the long-lost Centre Theatre in Salt Lake; there was no lobby to speak of, and the only place to queue up was outside, on the street), big spectacle, big excitement, tiny little brains melting, lifelong obsessions forming, blah blah blah.

We were all there, weren't we? And those of you who weren't have probably heard about it from someone who was. It was the defining communal experience of our generation, at least until the towers fell.

But here's the thing that was unique about my personal experience: I didn't actually want to see Star Wars. I had no interest in it whatsoever, and, in fact, I remember being frightened of it. I don't recall why, but something in the TV ads gave me a major case of the willies.

Read the rest here.

Towel Day 2006

As fate would have it, today, in addition to the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, is also Towel Day, the international tribute to the late Douglas Adams. The 25th of May is a very hoopy day indeed.

Towel Day :: A tribute to Douglas Adams (1952-2001)

An Adventure Unlike Anything on Your Planet

Didn't believe me when I said that the suits at Fox had no idea how to market the original Star Wars? Then check out this vintage trailer:

I dig the ominous music. Sounds like it came from some disaster flick like The Poseidon Adventure or something. Not to mention the random alarm wail that's never actually heard in the film. The art of the movie trailer has come a long way in 30 years...

A Long Time Ago...

Thirty years ago today, a modestly budgeted little space adventure movie opened on a grand total of 32 screens nationwide.

That number seems hard to believe now, considering what that movie ultimately became; by contrast, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End debuted last night on some 4,000 screens (according to this). There are technical reasons why the initial release was so small, but the simplest explanation is that things were done differently in 1977, and also that expectations for this particular film weren't very high. Science fiction had historically not done very well at the box office -- Planet of the Apes and its sequels being one notable exception -- and even when the opening weekend started looking like a record-breaker for the handful of theaters that were running it, the film's writer and director remained pessimistic about it succeeding over the long run. The studio heads he was working for largely agreed; they didn't even know how to market this oddball project, which was essentially a mash-up of Westerns, old Flash Gordon serials, and samurai pictures.

They needn't have worried, though. The public embraced the movie like nothing before or since. Word of mouth did their marketing work for them, and by the time the film "opened wide," audiences were clamoring to see it. It became a global phenomenon that would infiltrate every aspect of our culture and, for those who were lucky enough to be children in the late '70s and early '80s, it rose to the level of our shared mythology, a lingua franca that even non-geeks easily understand. I've met many people from other states, even other countries, and so long as they're roughly about my age, it seems like it doesn't matter whether we truly have anything in common. We always have this movie to discuss.

The movie in question, in case you haven't guessed way before now, is Star Wars. And yes, kids, that is what it was originally called back in '77 -- not "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope." Just Star Wars.

It is not just fanboy enthusiasm on my part that makes this day worth noting, because this one movie, whose creator, George Lucas, has reportedly never been satisfied with it, changed everything about movies. The way they're made, the way they're marketed, and the way they're received.

To begin with, Star Wars, along with Steven Spielberg's Jaws a couple years earlier, redefined the studios' expectations of how much money a movie ought to make. Films had pulled hefty profits before 1977, of course, but nothing on the scale of what this "story of a boy, a girl, and a galaxy" pulled in; the famous Chinese Theater in Hollywood, for example, reported that Star Wars provided the biggest opening day in the venue's then-50-year history. The movie industry being what it is, everything that came after would be compared to that level of success, and in an effort to emulate and top it, Hollywood changed what kind of movies it was making in order to try and pull bigger and bigger box-office figures.

Conveniently, audience tastes also changed because of Star Wars, and seemingly overnight, too. It wasn't simply that people now wanted more movies about spaceships and aliens, although such movies were huge throughout the rest of my childhood. Rather, movie-goers now came to expect a spectacle for their box-office dollar. Because of Star Wars, the talky, character-driven dramas that had defined the cinema of the late '60s and early '70s largely vanished in favor of much more simplistic, special-effects-laden shows that remain the dominant cinematic form today. It's arguable, of course, whether this is a good thing -- the cultural snobs and intellectuals would tell us that it's not -- but there is no denying that the change did occur, or why it happened.

In addition, Star Wars is also responsible for the unbelievable glut of tie-in merchandise that now arrives with every summer "tentpole" movie. Prior to 1977, a big movie might get a poster, a lunch box, maybe a doll or two, but it was all largely an afterthought. Indeed, merchandising was an afterthought for Star Wars as well; the studio thought so little of that aspect of the film that it signed all the merchandising rights and profits over to George Lucas. That was a huge mistake on the studio's part, as licensing made George unbelievably wealthy and ultimately gave him the bucks and the clout to buy his movie back from the studio. That's right, folks -- 20th Century Fox does not own the Star Wars brand, and George got rich by selling action figures, not through the success of his films.

The interesting thing about the '70s-vintage merchandising for Star Wars, however, was that it was largely demand-driven. Today, the studios employ entire licensing departments to shove officially branded crap down our throats, whether we want it or not, well before the movie even arrives. For instance, I started seeing toys for the aforementioned Pirates of the Caribbean over a month ago. It wasn't like that back in '77, though. The merchandising grew slowly and organically, and most of it long after the movie's release; the first trickle of action figures didn't hit stores until Christmas. The real tsunami of Star Wars stuff didn't crash ashore until 1978, and the scope of licensed materials kept growing because people wanted more products, not because some suit somewhere saw another opening to make a buck. I think that little fact has been forgotten these days.

We also have Star Wars to thank for the trilogy-oriented mindset that dominates sequel production these days. Everything's got to be a trilogy: the Indiana Jones movies (although that franchise is soon to break out of the three-picture mold), Back to the Future, The Matrix, Jurassic Park, Lord of the Rings (although the source novels were a trilogy already, so I suppose this example doesn't entirely work), Spider-Man, X-Men, Pirates. I'll be honest: this is one place where I wish Star Wars hadn't been so influential. That damn urge to tie everything up in only three films damaged both the X-Men and Spider-Man series, which both would've been better off if the filmmakers had planned on saving some material for a fourth film instead of cramming their respective number threes so full. Also, I don't honestly believe either The Matrix or Pirates were ever intended to have one sequel, let alone two, but once it was decided to make a sequel, well, then, naturally, you had to have a story that spread across two movies, just like The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi.

Still, despite the undeniable negatives that came as a result of Star Wars' success, I can't begin to imagine what my life would've been like if it had never been made. My love affair with this film and the universe it spawned has waxed and waned over the years, during my late high-school and college years especially, when so many other obsessions were competing for my fanboy attentions. But Star Wars has always been there, standing at my back like a loyal Wookiee sidekick. Nothing has changed that, not adulthood or the many great movies that have come since 1977, not even the recent prequels (which some have dubbed "the Great Disappointment," a fitting title for the general mood that surrounded them) or my frustration with George Lucas over his revisionist tinkering with the film that the world fell in love with three decades ago.

In recent years, a lot of people have engaged in some revisionism of their own, saying the original trilogy was never as good as everybody thought it was, that the acting stank, that George could never write dialogue, etc. Forgive my French, but that's bullshit. That's the sound of people who've been disappointed with the prequels, or who've gotten tired of the hype, or whose own favorite whatever has been overshadowed by the galaxy far, far away. It's backlash and resentment, not the truth.

Don't misunderstand: I'm not a lovesick fool defensively dismissing criticism with a wave of my hand. I know Star Wars is not a perfect film and I'm more than willing to grant its shortcomings. I also firmly believe that its success was due in large part to lucky timing. It came along at the perfect moment, a dark time in American history when people were ready for some simple, old-fashioned escapism. Those personal films of the early '70s that the critics blame George Lucas for killing were more often than not depressing. The news in those post-Vietnam, post-Watergate days of Jimmy Carter's malaise was depressing, too. (I may have been only seven years old in '77, but I remember how grim my parents often seemed while they were watching Walter Cronkite.) The country needed a good yarn about heroes and villains, and Star Wars fit the bill. Some other movie may have done the job just as well, if things had worked out differently. But that doesn't mean that Star Wars wasn't a good movie overall. I remain steadfastly convinced that it was. And I also don't believe it should be excoriated for its success or its influence, even if it has led to some unfortunate things. Like those vintage action figures that just kept coming because we wanted them, Star Wars has endured because, initially anyway, it was a pure and good thing, and we loved it.

Latter-day frustrations aside, I thank George Lucas for giving it to us. I believe it's going to outlast us all, just as Casablanca is still beloved by people three generations removed from those who made it and first enjoyed it. And I think I'll probably still believe that three decades hence when I'll be blathering on whatever passes for the Internet then about the film's 60th anniversary.

Remember... the Force will be with us... always.

May 24, 2007

TV Title Sequences I Like: The Six Million Dollar Man

Just in case anyone couldn't be bothered to click that link in the previous entry, I thought I'd go ahead and post up the intro for one of my favorite childhood series, The Six Million Dollar Man. I haven't seen the show in years, and I have half a hunch that it wouldn't hold up to my adult scrutiny, but I think this opening is still insanely dramatic and exciting:

I love those animated "computer graphics." My three Loyal Readers probably know what I'm going to say next: I still have my old Steve Austin doll. I've got his arch-enemy Maskatron, too, and the inflatable command base, "Bionic Mission Vehicle," and the rocket ship that turns into a medical bay. I never did have the Bigfoot doll, though... I might have to go questing on eBay...

And It Even Looks Like a Rocket Ship!

In the emerging field of private space tourism, Burt Rutan's SpaceShipOne and Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic venture tend to get all the attention, but there are other entrepeneurs out there who've decided it's time to find a way to get human beings off this rock, if only for a few minutes.

One of those is Jim Benson, whose Benson Space Company has been working on a space ship modelled after NASA's HL-20 "lifting body" concept.

Today, however, I'm reading that BSC is abandoning its lifting-body work and will instead base its Dream Chaser sub-orbital spacecraft on a melding of several other vehicles with impressive track records -- the X-2 and X-15 experimental planes, and the venerable T-38 trainer. And it'll look something like this:

BSC Dream Chaser

I found myself almost instinctively liking the looks of this design, and it took me a second to realize why. It's an almost perfect real-world embodiment of the classic 1950s movie rocketship. Compare, for example, the Space Ark from George Pal's 1951 film When Worlds Collide:

The Space Ark from <i>When Worlds Collide</i>

I grumble a lot on this blog about the future I got not looking much like the future I was promised by pop culture; maybe just this once, I won't be able to make that particular complaint.

(Incidentally, I'm not at all sorry to see the lifting-body concept go in the waste bin. Those things make me nervous. No doubt as a result of constant exposure to footage of one crashing when I was a kid...)

May 23, 2007

Shiny New B-24

Here's a vintage photo of a B-24 fresh off the assembly line, ca. 1944. Why? 'Cause I think it's a cool photo, and because, if you'll recall, I took a ride on one of these babies a few years back and I have a real soft spot for the model:

B-24 at Willow Run

Click to embiggen. Source here.

May 22, 2007

New Toy: The Photo Edition

Al Gore's new toy

Just trying out a new toy, a way to embed photos in my entries without the tedium of saving a copy from the source to my desktop and re-uploading it to my blog server, and without breaking InterWeb etiquette by "hotlinking" to other people's bandwidth. Details here, if you're interested in techy stuff.

Some of you may be asking, "why an old photo of Al Gore holding a brick-sized mobile telephone?" Well, why not? I remember when brick-phones were quite the novelty, and it amuses me to see how far we've come in such a relatively short time...

My Kingdom for a Two-Cent Stamp!

About two weeks ago, the Postal Service implemented its annual and much-ballyhooed rate increase, kicking the price of a 39-cent stamp to 41 cents. Anticipating that a significant number of consumers (like yours truly) would still have a bunch of 39-cent stamps in their possession, the brilliant, benevolent, and very handsome people who work for the USPS have of course taken steps to ensure that two-cent stamps are readily available for those who need them. The automated vending kiosks will be overstocked with the needed "fill-in" stamps for the next month or so as a favor to valued customers whose schedules prevent them from visiting human postal workers during regular business hours. Thus, bills continue to get mailed on time, inconvenience is minimized, customer loyalty is maintained, everyone is happy, and spontaneous renditions of "Kumbaya" can be heard echoing through post offices across the land.

Well, that's probably how it would work on the Bizarro World. Here on Earth, my local post master, in all his or her infinite wisdom, has devoted only a single slot of the vending machine to two-cent stamps, and that slot has, of course, been sold out for two weeks.

Idiots.

May 18, 2007

Regrets: Bo Diddley

I just learned that Bo Diddley, the elderly blues-and-rock guitarist best known for the classics "Who Do You Love?" and "Bo Diddley," suffered a stroke following a performance on Saturday night. And even though articles like this one are optimistic that Diddley will play again, I personally think his career is over. He's 78 years old, and my personal experience with strokes was not a positive one (my grandmother had one when she was still relatively young -- early 60s, I believe -- and she ended up trapped in a half-paralyzed body, unable to speak, for the last 16 years of her life).

Diddley played Salt Lake not too long ago and I remember thinking that I really ought to make an effort to go see him, because at his age you never know if he's going to come around again. I really need to pay more attention to thoughts like that...

May 17, 2007

Name That Sci-Fi Film... Again!

SFSignal has another sci-fi movie keyword quiz up:

  1. Friendship / Hiding In Closet / Quarantine / Bicycle
  2. Violence / Sociopath / Invented Language / Eye
  3. Graphic Violence / Cyberpunk / Toxic Waste / Human Android Relationship
  4. Dystopian / Totalitarian / Illegal Immigrant / Hope
  5. Science Runs Amok / Theme Park / Tropical Island / Child In Peril
  6. Science Runs Amok / Theme Park / Evil Robot / Gunslinger
  7. Gang / Feral Child / Muscle Car / Australian Outback
  8. Kidnapping / Asylum / Animal Rights / Time Travel
  9. Interdimensional Travel / Escaped Mental Patient / Rocket Car / Watermelon
  10. Lincoln Memorial / Totalitarianism / Ice Cave / Man Hunt

You remember the rules from before: Name the SF flick based on those keyword clues from the IMDB. I actually thought this quiz was quite a bit easier than the first one. My answers are below the cut. You might want to write yours down or something before you click through...

  1. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
  2. A Clockwork Orange
  3. Blade Runner (Maybe... the reference to toxic waste is throwing me...)
  4. Children of Men
  5. Jurassic Park
  6. Westworld (Which is pretty much the same movie as Jurassic Park when you think about it; Yul Brynner was uber-cool, though...)
  7. The Road Warrior
  8. Twelve Monkeys (Again, maybe... I don't remember the kidnapping angle, but nothing else I can think of includes an asylum, animal rights, and time travel.)
  9. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai
  10. Logan's Run

So how'd everybody do?

Update:

Here are the correct answers (looks like I missed number 3):

  1. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
  2. A Clockwork Orange
  3. RoboCop
  4. Children of Men
  5. Jurassic Park
  6. Westworld
  7. Mad Max 2
  8. 12 Monkeys
  9. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
  10. Logan's Run

So RoboCop is considered cyberpunk now? Hm, interesting...

The Definition of Overkill

And I thought the multiple cover "collector's edition" TV Guide tributes to Star Trek a few years ago were a bit much: A British film magazine called (appropriately enough) Empire is issuing no less than 30 different covers this month to commemorate the 30th anniversary of Star Wars. They're unveiling one a day here.

Makes me glad I no longer feel the frenzied collecting urge as strongly as I once did; ten years ago, I would've needed each and every one of these as a tulip needs the sun. Nowadays... well, they'd be nice to have, but I'll live if I don't get around to picking them up. At least, I think I'll live... I suddenly seem to have spots in front of my eyes...

TV Title Sequences I Like: Hardcastle and McCormick

Evanier announced something interesting today: "Off and on... I'm going to link to videos of openings I liked for TV shows. In some cases, I didn't like the show but I liked the opening." This is an idea I've been toying with for quite a while, if for no other reason than to let me dig up YouTube clips of things I haven't seen in a long, long time and wallow in a momentary glow of nostalgia for all the dreck that shaped me into the charming fellow I am today. Without further ado, here's my first entry in this whole new category of blogging:

For the record, I don't remember ever watching Hardcastle and McCormick; if I did, I don't remember enough about it to even tell you what the series was about. By all appearances, it was just another run-of-the-mill Stephen J. Cannell buddy-cop/private-eye/mysterious-extra-legal-defenders-of-justice show. (I'm not dissing Cannell; I liked a lot of his shows. But at one point in the '80s, it seemed like there was one on every night of the week, and there was a certain sameness to them all.) However, I do remember tuning in long enough to catch this opening credit sequence, because that theme song (written by uber-TV-composer Mike Post with Pete Carpenter) rocked. The final few seconds, when the music is paired with the shot over the hood of the car and the onrushing highway, still sets off my adrenal gland; watching it here at the office makes me want to blow off my boring job and get out on the road with the wind in my ears and my heart pounding in my chest.

Oddly enough, the producers of H&M elected to change the theme for the show's second season, ditching this aggressive rocker for a namby-pamby feel-good number akin to the theme from The Greatest American Hero. While "Believe It or Not" fit the lightweight, semi-comedic tone of GAH, I think a similar song was all wrong for a more action-oriented series. I won't post the revised opening here, but if you're curious, you know what to do...

(A brief tangent: I can't help but think this song should've been resurrected for the short-lived series Drive, which I'd just started getting into when Fox canned it. Bastards. Would it have made a difference in that show's rapid trip to oblivion if it had had a cool theme song? I don't know... but it couldn't have hurt.)

May 16, 2007

More on Eric Johnson

Just in case you read my pointless ramblings via an aggregator, or otherwise don't follow the comments, there's been an interesting development in regards to yesterday's entry on the new Flash Gordon series. I've been contacted by Andrea, the webmaster for EricJohnsonWeb.com, who informs me that the head shot of Eric I saw is seven years out of date. She directed me to this more recent photo, and, based on it, I've got to admit that I was wrong. A little older now, Mr. Johnson has definitely acquired what I would consider the proper "Flash Gordon look" since that Smallville shot was taken. So this latest incarnation of Alex Raymond's legendary adventure story has that much going for it at least.

Interestingly, I failed to notice yesterday that Eric has, in fact, done some work I have some passing familiarity with, namely the Work and the Glory films. If you haven't heard of these, don't feel bad. I doubt that many people outside of Utah have.

The Work and the Glory movies -- there are three of them -- are based on a series of historical novels written for the Mormon market. The books, which chronicle one family's interactions with Joseph Smith and the early Mormon Church, are immensely popular in these parts, a local phenomenon akin to the Harry Potter series in that its fans read and re-read the books to the point of disintegration. (The Girlfriend's parents are such fans.) I have no authority to say this, but I would hazard a guess that they are probably the most popular Mormon fiction ever written, based on the number of copies I see being read on the train and in public places. (And yes, Mormon fiction is a distinct, if extremely niche, genre; as you can probably imagine, it's huge in Utah.)

The movie adaptations were financed by Utah's own gazillionaire, Larry Miller -- you may remember him from that Brokeback Mountain imbroglio a year or so back -- and, although I never saw them myself, the trailers made them look like the prettiest entries in the "LDS cinema" genre thus far.

Our friend Eric played Joshua Steed, who I believe is the bad brother in the protagonist family (the other brother, of course, converts to the new religion and wins the girl).

None of which really has anything to do with anything. I just found it interesting...

Nothing New Under the Sun, er, Moon...

I was just reading about the new shows CBS has coming up this fall, and I found something curious about this one:

MOONLIGHT, from prolific movie producer Joel Silver ("The Matrix" Trilogy), is about Mick St. John (Alex O'Loughlin, upcoming "White Out"), a captivating "undead" private investigator who uses his acute vampire senses to help the living - instead of feeding on them. In an agonizing twist of fate, Mick was "bitten" 60 years ago by his new bride, the seductive and beguiling Coraline (Amber Valletta, "Hitch"). Immortal and eternally as young, handsome and charismatic as he was then, Mick is sickened by Coraline and other vampires who view humans only as a source of nourishment. With only a handful of undead confidantes for company, including deceitful ally Josef (Rade Serbedzija, "24"), Mick fills his infinite days protecting the living, and trying not to think about how his life would have been if he hadn't followed his heart. However, after six decades of resisting, he wonders if it's time to pursue the love of a mortal. He has his eyes on Beth Turner, a beautiful, ambitious reporter who has been covering the ongoing plague of unusual murders. But would Beth even consider giving up a normal life to be with him, and can Mick risk the pain of seeing himself as a monster in her eyes? As Mick lives between two realities, fighting his adversaries among the undead and falling in love with Beth, he knows he needs to figure out a reason to keep "living."

You see, I remember that show being called Forever Knight when it aired about 15 years ago...

May 15, 2007

Something That Bugs Me

FYI to anyone reading this: the film's title is Blade Runner, not Bladerunner. I see this mistake made all over the place (most recently here) and it grates on my nerves like stainless-steel fingernails on a chalkboard.

Two words, people. Two.

That is all.

How Old Should a Hero Be?

Remember a while back when I expressed cautious enthusiasm for the SciFi Channel's upcoming take on the venerable Flash Gordon character? Well, I'm no longer so optimistic about this project, not after seeing who the producers have cast as Flash and his lady love, Dale Arden.

I'm not disparaging the talents of either Eric Johnson (Flash) or Gina Holden (Dale). I'm not qualified to do so, considering that I'm utterly unfamiliar with their previous work. The problem is that they just don't look right for the roles to me, at least not in the photos that accompany the articles I linked above. Holden, like that of many of the young ladies currently working in Hollywood, is attractive but pretty generic, and Johnson just looks too damn young to be "The Hero."

A little googling reveals that he's 27, which puts him exactly in between the two best-known previous Flashes, age-wise (Sam Jones was 26 when he played the character in the 1980 movie and Buster Crabbe was 28 when he filmed the first of the three classic serials), but those other guys have always seemed older to me. I suppose my perception of them could be skewed because I was a child and they were grown-ups when I first saw their respective Flashes, but the character of Flash Gordon has always struck me as at least 30.

Of course, the character has usually been established as some variety of professional athlete -- a polo player in the '30s serials, an NFL football player in the 1980 film -- so I guess he would have to be in his mid-20s, given the paucity of real-life thirtysomething pro athletes.

I don't know... maybe my feelings on this matter are being influenced as much by my own advancing age as anything, but it really seems to me like pop culture in the last ten years has glorified youth to a much greater degree than ever before, and it's starting to bug me. Flash Gordon in all his various incarnations has been a hero to me for most of my life, and I guess I want to continue to have a Flash I can relate to. I have little interest in a Smallville-style "Young Flash Gordon" series.

A spiritual forerunner of Flash, John Carter of Mars, was depicted by his creator, Edgar Rice Burroughs, as unaging, but about 30 years old in physical appearance. I guess that's about how I tend to imagine my swashbuckling heroes as well.

I'm probably making too much of this, considering I haven't actually seen Eric Johnson act. It wouldn't be the first time. On the positive side, at least he and Gina Holden won't have to change their hair color. This may be the first time in history that the cast of a Flash Gordon adaptation will actually have the same hair color as the characters in the original comic strip! (Sam Jones and Buster Crabbe both had to bleach their brown hair blond to play Flash, while Melody Anderson and Jean Rogers -- the 1980 and '30s-vintage Dales, respectively -- had to dye their blond tresses.)

Bruce Campbell Is Hungry Like the Wolf

Uber-cool B-movie star Bruce Campbell has done another Old Spice ad in the viral-video medium, and this one is even funnier than the first one:

The Year of Threes

So it occurred to me in the shower this morning that six of the big "tentpole" film releases this summer are "part threes": Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Ocean's Thirteen, The Bourne Ultimatum, and Rush Hour 3. Sequels are the bread and butter of summertime movie-going, of course, but I can't recall any other year that had so many of them that were the same number in their respective series. Seems rather odd to me, like some kind of harmonic convergence or that planetary alignment that took place a few years ago, when the gravitational forces were all supposed to be amplified and wreck the Earth or some damn thing.

And another thing: back in my ticket-tearing days at the old Cinemark -- which began some 18 years ago (holy crap!) -- the summer blockbuster season started on Memorial Day weekend and ended on Labor Day weekend. Now, the season kicks off with the first weekend on May (as evidenced by the release of Spider-Man 3 a couple weeks ago) and looks like it will be pretty much over by the first weekend of August. That feels wrong to me. If this trend continues, we'll soon be seeing the the big mindless spectacles we all love so much around Valentine's Day instead of the Fourth of July, and that will just be... wrong. It'll be chaos, I tells ya! Dogs and cats living together! Yeargh!

May 14, 2007

Revisiting Childhood Via the Digital Airwaves

One of the groovy things about having one of those new-fangled HDTVs is that I now get more channels than I used to, and I didn't even have to sign up for cable or The Dish. The secret is the digital transmissions that piggyback onto the plain ordinary old signal that merely mortal TVs pick up. Where I used to get only channel 5, for example, I now have 5.2 (a high-definition version of the same programming carried on analog 5) and 5.3 (a local weather channel and news headline ticker). It's pretty cool. And something that's really cool is channel 16.1, part of the ION television network. (My old TV didn't pick anything up at all on channel 16, so I don't know if this station has an analog equivalent or not. It's a completely new thing for me.)

And what, you may be asking, is so cool about this channel 16.1? Only a nice assortment of the classic programs that I grew up loving. How does The Wonder Years every night at 9 pm sound to you? Or Kung Fu, Charlie's Angels, and the original Mission: Impossible?

Or how about the fact that I was channel-surfing last night and ran across my beloved original version of Battlestar Galactica, airing at 6 pm on Sunday night just the way it did back in '78? It was even a good episode, "The Living Legend," with Lloyd Bridges as Commander Cain in command of the Galactica's long-lost sister ship, the battlestar Pegasus.

I have the series on DVD, of course, but there was a certain small thrill that came from just running across it somewhere on television, instead of deliberately choosing to put the disc on. The only thing that would've made it better would've been if I'd laying belly-down on the floor in front of a roaring fire, resting my chin in my hands and feeling the ends of my shoelaces dangling across the backs of my legs, the way I remember doing it when I was eight.

Of course, a roaring fire last night would've been a little uncomfortable; it is drifting into summer, after all. But you get the idea.

May 13, 2007

The Little Guys Let Me Down

I prefer to deal with locally owned, mom-and-pop establishments whenever I can. It's a matter of principle for me (the principle being that I think large national corporations are, by nature, more interested in serving their shareholders than their customers). I buy books at Sam Weller's, groceries at Harmons, and I get my morning caffeine fix from either The Coffee Garden or the Salt Lake Roasting Company. And when I finally decided several years ago to get myself some home Internet access, well, naturally, I went with a hometown service provider, a little outfit called ArosNet.

For five years, I had absolutely no complaint with Aros. My access was generally reliable, the folks in the accounting office were pleasant to deal with when I made my payments, and the one time I had to contact tech support, they bent over backwards to resolve my problem. I felt good writing out my checks, knowing that my money was going into the pockets of my neighbors instead of to some corporate overlord five states away. I imagined that I'd probably be writing checks to Aros for a very long time to come.

Several months ago, however, something started to go wrong with ArosNet. Service became spotty. Some nights, I had difficulty getting online; I had to try logging in mutlitple times before the connection took. Other times I could get on, but I had trouble accessing specific web sites -- and no, I'm not talking about the sites you can't look at in public libraries. I'm referring to ordinary, innocuous stuff like the Internet Movie Database. Most disturbingly, I started hearing from friends that their email messages to me weren't getting through.

And then one week service ceased altogether, and it stayed out for days. Calling the previously exemplary customer support line yielded only an impersonal recording. The business office didn't answer the phone at all. I was baffled, I was frustrated, and I was increasingly annoyed. What the hell could be going on?

I finally got my explanation, but not from ArosNet; Bill Gephardt, the local TV news consumer advocate, reported that he'd received dozens of calls asking if he could get to the bottom of the Aros mystery. It turned out that the company was relocating its physical data center to a larger office space in another part of the valley, and they'd experienced more problems getting everything back online than they'd anticipated.

Okay. That was a reasonable excuse, even if it was irresponsible and bad manners for them not to send out a mass email letting their customers know that this move was coming so we didn't all panic when the lights went out. So to speak. Gephardt said the out of a few thousand customers, ArosNet had lost something like 800 due to the unannounced move. I decided to give the company the benefit of the doubt and stick with them a while longer, figuring that once they got all the bugs shaken out, everything would be fine again.

I'm so naive.

Service came back up, but I soon discovered that in the process of upgrading its back-end email software, Aros had managed to vaporize five years of saved messages that I'd never downloaded to my desktop PC. (I figured I didn't really need to; isn't everything supposed to be safer if it's "out there" somewhere? That's what "they" told us when the InterWebs were first coming into the spotlight.)

The final straw, though, was this month's payment debacle. I was no longer so certain that I wanted to continue with ArosNet, but, me being me, I hadn't yet gotten myself an alternative ISP before the bill came due. So I figured I pay for one more month to buy me some time while I figured out what I wanted to do.

I went to the Aros website, signed into my member account dashboard, and used the "pay online" feature. I received a pop-up note saying that it could take up to 24 hours before my account showed the payment -- all standard procedure, right? Well, on a hunch, I checked my account the next day, just to be sure my money had gone through. I saw no sign that it had. So I tried calling the pleasant woman in accounting that I'd always dealt with before.

I got routed to tech support instead, but not the competent, eager tech support of days past. No, I ended up trying to explain my situation to the pimple-faced fast-food worker from The Simpsons. The kid put me on hold three times as he tried to figure out what the hell I was talking about. Finally, sensing my growing irritation, he promised me he wouldn't put me on hold again; instead, he set the phone down on his desk while he went in search of somebody who actually knew something. Apparently, he also stopped by the restroom and went down the street to the Kwik-E-Mart for a Red Bull, because he left the phone sitting unattended for so long that the system finally dropped me. I'd been on the line with him for 40 minutes, and all I'd learned was that the ArosNet online payment mechanism wasn't working. (Obvious question: why was the page still up, if it wasn't working? Why hadn't the company sent out a notice to its customers warning us of this little fact?)

Boiling now, I called back, got some other tech support drone, went through my explanation again, asked if I could speak to someone in accounting, or someone in charge, or someone that had been born prior to Kurt Cobain's suicide. The drone said that I was panicking over nothing, that the system would email a renewal notice the same as it always had and I could pay then with no interruption in service.

The next day, I couldn't get online. I'd been shut off. I'd never gotten any email notice.

Two days later, I received the email notice, forwarded on to my shiny new gmail account. Curious, I tried signing on -- yep, sure enough, I'd been switched back on. It was at that moment that I rolled my eyes and decided to hell with ArosNet. The left hand obviously doesn't know what the right is doing and I personally can't handle any more flakiness. If anyone reading this also uses ArosNet as your ISP, I highly recommend that you get out now, while you still can. Before the body snatchers or brain-sucking leeches or whatever it was that destroyed this once-fine company learn how to start mind-wiping consumers as well.

I'm currently subsisting on the kindness of parents, friends, and employer for Internet access while I think about what to do next. I will probably just end up getting the DSL package offered by my telephone company -- that seems to be the easiest, most economical solution in my area.

I hate it when my priniciples clash with convenience like this. It hurts my feelings when the little guys let me down. Especially when the whole situation seems so unnecessary; if someone had only managed this move a little more efficiently and communicated with the customers instead of trying to do everything under cover of darkness.

Damn body-snatching, brain-sucking leeches anyway...

May 11, 2007

Bill Panzer: That Guy in the Elevator

Believe it or not, the primary focus of my fanboy energies throughout most of the 1990s was not the Star Wars saga. Really. I know it's hard to accept, but it really wasn't. It wasn't even Star Trek, despite all the various TV spin-offs running at that time. No, for the better part of the final decade of the 20th Century, I was seriously preoccupied by a fictional universe called Highlander.

Highlander is tough to explain to the uninitiated. It has a fairly bizarre premise to begin with, and its cause isn't helped by the fact that all the different properties that fall under the Highlander brand tend to contradict each other, or at the very least don't share the same continuity. I'm not going to go into all that in this entry -- I'll explore that topic some other time -- but what you need to know (if you don't already) is that the entire franchise originated with a 1986 movie and was revisited in a television series by the same name that ran from 1992 through 1998.

When Highlander: The Series ceased production in '98, The Girlfriend and I were sufficiently wrapped up in the whole scene that we flew to LA to attend a big farewell convention dedicated to the show. It was an exciting event -- the entire regular cast was in attendance, as well as a lot of the more prominent guest stars, and, of course, fans from all over the country.

One afternoon during the convention, we somehow found ourselves alone in an elevator, headed downstairs from an autograph session to get back to the center of the action, the dealers room. We were both feeling a little goggle-eyed from the celebrity-watching and the heady emotions that come with simultaneously celebrating and eulogizing a series you've been faithfully living and breathing for six years.

The elevator stopped midway down to pick up another passenger, a middle-aged man in a blazer. He was wearing a convention access badge, but then so were half the people in the hotel that day, so Anne and I didn't think anything of it. We gave him pleasant nods, then concentrated on the lighted numbers over the door, as good elevator etiquette demands.

After a moment, the guy in the blazer asked if we were having a good time at the con. We both nodded and babbled off answers to the effect of, "yeah, it's cool." Our snoopy co-rider then asked a couple more questions -- how far had we travelled to attend, had we managed to meet our favorite cast member yet -- then we all arrived at the mezzanine level and went our separate ways. I recall asking Anne, once the guy was out of earshot, "Who the hell was that?"

We learned a couple hours later that the middle-aged guy in the blazer was in fact Bill Panzer, one of the two co-producers of everything Highlander. We kicked ourselves for our ignorance, and our timidity for not asking his name and getting an autograph and/or a photo. In time, our brief encounter became an amusing anecdote that we retell whenever the subject of that big con experience comes up.

I just learned today that Bill Panzer died on March 18. He was only 62, the same age as my father, and the cause of his death was a stupid accident. He fell while ice-skating and hit his head, causing a brain hemmorhage that ultimately proved fatal.

I always feel a little twinge of grief when actors or creative people involved in the media I love pass away, but this news has really punched me in the gut. I've often disparaged Panzer and his business partner, Peter Davis, for what I see as their poor guidance of the franchise, as well as their efforts to milk the fans with some truly insidious sales tactics -- again, that's a topic for another entry -- but when it comes right down to it, they are responsible for giving me a lot of pleasure through the creations they shepherded. That provides a basic connection. And if it's not connection enough to mourn a person, well, I also shared an elevator with the guy once. I had first-hand evidence that he was real, not merely a name in the closing credits but a living, breathing human being. And now he's no more. And I find that that really hurts.

How ironic that the franchise he and Davis controlled is about people who live forever. How sad that he didn't live to see the release of the next iteration of the franchise, a feature film called Highlander: The Source, which is due later this year. (I suspect it will suck, unfortunately; yet again, a topic for another entry...)

I've been unable to find much about Panzer's death on the InterWebs. I learned of it when I wandered past my old Highlander forum, just to see if anything interesting was going on. However, Adrian Paul, the star of Highlander: The Series and its related feature films, has posted a very sweet tribute to his old boss over on his official web site. I recommend reading it in its entirety, but here's the really good bit:

I know there were times that you questioned your position in Hollywood; questioned whether you were big enough, good enough or successful enough. Perhaps inside, like many of us, you didn’t believe that you had achieved everything that you dreamed of. But believe me, you touched millions. You were able to create something that made a ripple in the frequency of life and touched people’s hearts and souls. For that we all thank you.

However, the thing I regret the most is that in all that time, in all the moments we spent together, in all the places we visited - Vancouver, Paris, Vilnius, London, Bucharest, Los Angeles Bordeaux, Cannes and Daytona - I never truly thanked you for allowing me into the Highlander universe and for giving me the opportunity to play Duncan MacLeod. So, from the bottom of my heart Bill, thank you. Thank You. Thank You.

May the winds be with you and ....in the end Bill, there was only one......

I will miss you.

May we all have such a tribute when our times come.

Vonnegut Reactions

Just in case anyone is keeping track, I finished Slaughterhouse-Five the other night. It was the first time I've ever read it, and the more I think about it, the more I think I liked it. I'm not prepared to say much about it yet -- I'm afraid my brain's literary-analysis lobe has atrophied quite a bit since I finished college and embarked on a steady diet of non-fiction and lowbrow genre crap -- but I plan to write more after I ponder it for awhile. In the meantime, however, I recommend this classic American novel for those who, like me, missed reading it in school.

I've now moved on to a collection of Vonnegut's short fiction called Welcome to the Monkey House. As with Slaughterhouse, I'm enjoying it. Some of it, anyway; I find short-story collections are, by their very nature, pretty hit-and-miss, with some stories doing more for me than others. There are enough hits happening, however, that I think I'm becoming a definite admirer of Kurt Vonnegut. But there is one thing about him that I'm not getting. All the cover blurbs on these '70s-vintage paperbacks of mine rave about how funny he is, and I'm afraid I just don't see it. Humor is, of course, highly subjective and, I believe, often dependent on historical context -- in other words, I'm suggesting that maybe this stuff was knee-slapping in the era of Vietnam and Watergate but no longer carries the same punch. Or maybe it's just me. Either way, I'm not laughing much at Vonnegut's writing. I find his words truthful, elegant, frequently powerful, often clever, but not funny. He does have a way with an image, though. Consider this line from his story "Who Am I This Time?":

...his eyes (were) still on her. Those eyes burned up clothes faster than she could put them on.

Oh, yeah, I like that. It's got a little noir flavor there, which makes sense in the story's context, it perfectly converys the man's expression, and it's a line that stays with you after you read it. Very nice.

But I still didn't laugh.

May 8, 2007

Demonstrations of Futuristic Weapons

So, you remember a year or so back when a cruise ship repelled pirates using a new-fangled sound-based weapon? An entry today at the blog Danger Room features a report from someone who's actually been hit with the Long-Range Acoustic Device, a.k.a. "sonic blaster," as well as a a video of one in operation. There's not much to see in the video, but you can hear what the weapon sounds like. Oddly enough (or perhaps not, given my geekly inclinations), the weapon reminds me of the distinctive sound made by the giant, radioactive ants in the classic "big-bug" movie Them!; who knows, maybe that is the sound effect being played through the blaster, which is essentially just a souped-up loudspeaker.

Danger Room also recently posted a witness account and video of another "less-lethal" weapon being demonstrated, a "pain ray" that makes you feel as if your skin is boiling. That can be found here.

I honestly don't know how I feel about these weapons. I suppose it's a good thing that we are developing options that don't require genuinely injuring the target, but there's something very discomforting about these things. Something creepy. Maybe I'm just having trouble getting used to the idea that the science fiction I grew up on is becoming everyday life...

NASA Trailer

Here's a cool little item that I was planning to include in my recent round-up of space news, but somehow missed; it's a promotional trailer (ostensibly put out by NASA) hyping the planned return of human beings to the Moon:

I'll be honest, I am somewhat ambivalent about NASA's current plans for human spaceflight. I'm sad that the shuttle is going to be retired in a couple of years, even though it never lived up to the breathless fantasies that surrounded its debut in the 1970s (I still have a book I was given as a Christmas present when I was a kid that predicts the shuttles -- the design of which was then still being flight-tested by the prototype Enterprise -- would make spaceflight almost as routine and simple as what we see in Star Wars. Um, yeah. What can I say? It was a far more optimistic age, kids.) I think the International Space Station is something of a boondoggle, a project we feel obligated to finish because we've invested so much in it, but which never had a clear purpose to begin with. And the official Vision for Space Exploration -- i.e., the plan put forth by President Bush to send Americans back to the Moon and then later on Mars -- strikes me in many ways as high-flown rhetoric that may or may not actually amount to anything. (This guy, for instance, believes the whole thing will be abandoned within seven years and is more about trying to recapture the former glory of the old Apollo missions than any kind of compelling reason to actually return to the Moon.)

And yet, while I have my doubts about practical details and official policies, I remain an unabashed enthusiast for the idea of putting people out there in the black. In my book, human spaceflight, while immensely risky and expensive, is also the noblest, most exciting adventure that remains for our species. I think it is inevitable that we will one day spread out into our system, and possibly even our galaxy, first as explorers and then as settlers. The way things are going, I think most of those explorers and settlers are likely to be Chinese or maybe Indian. Don't misunderstand -- I don't begrudge other nations going into space and having their own accomplishments. It's a big star system, after all. But I never feel quite as patriotic as I do when it comes to space exploration, and I don't want to believe our cosmic glory days ended with Neil Armstrong. It troubles me that the kids coming up these days -- the ones who, realistically, will have to decide whether or not to go back out there, and certainly whether to go to stay -- appear to be so utterly indifferent to the whole space thing.

Maybe if somebody can get this trailer into movie theaters, or onto DVDs or television, it could break through the apathy shields of the iPod generation and get a few of them thinking.

Or maybe not. After all, the big moment in this trailer is an astronaut plugging in an extension cord. Even I have to admit that this is a less-than-inspiring image.

But this trailer is a step in the right direction, perhaps. To whoever made it, more please. And, as George Lucas reputedly tells his actors, "Faster. More intense."

My thanks to Bad Astronomy for posting this a while back.

May 7, 2007

0.00002% Say My Site Rocks!

Hm... according to this, Simple Tricks and Nonsense is ranked 2,393,955 out of however many sites there are out there in the vast, vast InterWeb. Not too bad, I suppose. Hey, I beat Greenberg, so that's something. (Just kidding, Brian...)

I'm thinking I may have to get a commemorative t-shirt to mark this occasion. How geeky would that be?

May 5, 2007

Wally Schirra

"Hero" is a word that's lost much of its meaning in recent years due to overuse and misuse. All too often, in my not-so-humble opinion, it's a label that gets applied to people who don't deserve it. The general public tends to confuse heroism with mere celebrity, while those who would influence the public aren't above trying to create artificial heroes when it suits their purposes or advances a cause.

But there are still genuine heroes in the world, even if we sometimes have to look backwards to see them. One of them died this week: Wally Schirra, age 84, of natural causes. Not a very heroic death, that, but everyone dies and most people do it in rather mundane fashions. What matters is what you do while you're alive. And he did some amazing things.

Wally Schirra was an astronaut back when the job description meant you were willing to be bolted into a cramped, pressurized cannister and fired into space atop a missile that had originally been designed to deliver terrible weapons to a target halfway around the world. Back when scientists weren't even sure if a person would be able to swallow in zero-g, or if weightlessness would derange your sense of equilibrium to the point where you were unable to function. (I've been in that state before, thanks to a nasty ear infection; I think if weightlessness had made the early astronauts the same way I felt, we would've never gotten them back. They would've willingly burned up with their capsules, just to make the universe stop spinning.) It took a lot of guts for the seven astronauts of the Mercury spaceflight program to do what they did; they were trailblazers that were literally doing things no one else had ever done.

It's kind of ironic, for someone who considers himself such a space buff, that I first became aware of Wally when he appeared in a series of TV ads for a new decongestant -- Sudafed, I think it was. It was an appropriate thing for him to endorse, considering that he suffered from a cold during one of his spaceflights. Apparently, having a cold in zero gravity is a unique and horrible form of misery.

His real accomplishments in space were far more impressive, though. As the pilot of a Mercury capsule in 1962, Schirra became the third American to orbit the Earth; he circled the planet six times and was up in the black for more than nine hours, back in a time when we were still counting such things and trying to make the numbers go higher with every flight.

As the commander of the two-man Gemini 6 in 1965, he proved that two spacecraft could safely rendezvous in orbit by steering to within mere feet of a sister ship, Gemini 7, as they coasted along some 185 miles above the surface of Earth.

And he commanded Apollo 7, the first manned flight of one of the ships that would carry human beings to the Moon.

Despite having gone into space three times, he never grew blase' about the dangers of what he was doing.. In 1981, as Crippen and Young rode the space shuttle Columbia into the black on its maiden voyage, he remarked that "...it's lousy out there. It's a hostile environment, and it's trying to kill you. The outside temperature goes from a minus 450 degrees to a plus 300 degrees. You sit in a flying Thermos bottle.'' And yet he willingly got into that Thermos bottle three times.

That's a real hero in my book. Once upon a time, every school kid in America the names of the Mercury Seven. I doubt they do anymore, so let me repeat them here: John Glenn, Scott Carpenter, Deke Slayton, Gus Grissom, Alan Shepherd, Gordon Cooper, and Wally Schirra. With Schirra's death, five of them are now gone. Only Glenn and Carpenter remain.

May 4, 2007

Riding an Operational Maglev Train

Telstar Logistics, the blog that got me thinking about maglevs the other day, has posted an account of what it's like to actually ride one, specifically the three-year-old Shanghai Maglev that connects the city to Pudong Airport:

...It was very shaky, despite the magnetic levitation. The train was going so fast that it is constantly bobbing horizontally as it seriously banks from side to side. The rolling/weaving makes it hard to walk around when it reaches top speed; indeed they don't want you to even stand up then. The tracks parallel the highway so cars look like they are going backwards. The entire train rides lasts less than 8 minutes. On the way in to Shanghai it took us 1.5 hours to travel the same distance in a taxi late at night.

I'm surprised (and, truth be told, disappointed) that the ride is so rough. I would've thought that it would be smoother than an ordinary train because of the levitation effect, but then, I suppose at those kinds of speeds it would be difficult (if not impossible) to avoid some kind of buffeting and turbulence from the airflow. Perhaps this is an engineering thing that could be solved, as opposed to a limitation of maglev technology? Anyone?

May 3, 2007

Conan O'Brien Visits ILM and Uncle George

I'm not a big fan of Conan O'Brien -- as I believe I've mentioned before, I much prefer his cross-channel rival Craig Ferguson -- but I did enjoy his little tour of George Lucas' special-effects shop last night:


Aside from the cringe-inducing incident with the Imperial Walker, this was a total vicarious thrill for me. God, how I would love to work in a place like that, surrounded by all those icons and artifacts. (Of course, my house here at the fabulous Bennion Compound has plenty of its own artifacts... but I digress.)

Just for the sake of completeness, here's Conan's interview with Uncle George himself, which I assume followed the ILM segment (I didn't actually watch the show; I cadged this stuff from the good folks at SF Signal). If you get bored by George's laconic 'tude, force yourself to hang in there all the way to the end; Jewbacca is worth seeing...

Name That Sci-Fi Film!

Well, that last one was depressing, wasn't it? Sorry about that... how about a game to try and break out of the funk?

John at SF Signal put this little exercise together:

I went to IMDB and looked up 15 movies. Listed below are four official "Plot Keywords" for each movie.

Your job: Name these movies!

  1. Stripper Dancing With Snake / Owl / Broken Finger / Killer Robot
  2. Future / Visceral / Claustrophobic / Impregnation
  3. Messiah / Wuxia Fiction / Young Boy / War
  4. Skin Care / Future Noir / Paraplegic / Perfection
  5. Saving The World Mission / Extraterrestrial / Space Travel / Alien Space Craft
  6. Advertising / Attempted Murder / Clairvoyant / Eye Surgery
  7. Very Little Dialogue / Surrealism / Astronaut / Talking Computer
  8. Prophecy / Cat / Subway / Cyberspace
  9. Sunglases / Tabloid / Cat / Spoof
  10. Cryogenics / Post Apocalyptic / Horseback Riding / Beach
  11. Human Versus Computer / Gladiator / Frisbee / Video Game
  12. Revenge / Spacecraft / Sandstorm / Midlife Crisis
  13. Evolution / Prejudice / Wheelchair / New York City
  14. End Of Civilization / Bikini / Big Ben / Inventor
  15. Robot / Scientist / UFO / Washington Monument

Give it a try, kids, then check yourself against my answers after the break.

My answers:

  1. Blade Runner
  2. Gattaca
  3. Minority Report
  4. 2001: A Space Odyssey
  5. The Matrix
  6. Planet of the Apes
  7. Tron
  8. X-Men
  9. The Time Machine
  10. The Day the Earth Stood Still

I'm not too proud to admit that even I have no idea what some of these (presumably) well-known SF movies might be, but I blame the clues more than my own abilities. For instance, what the hell is wuxia fiction (item #3)? Short of consulting Google (which would be cheating), I have no choice but to admit defeat. Still, I guess 10 out of 15 is fairly good, isn't it? How did you do?

I'll update this entry in an hour or so with all the correct answers...


Update: I've placed John's correct answers in the comments below. Scroll down to see them, and thanks for playing...

Time Stand Still

Springtime in Utah is marvelously chaotic. Yesterday at lunchtime it was 80-some-odd degrees and brilliantly sunshiney. Come evening, I was driving home from the train station with the top down, a strong wind buffetting the 'stang, and turbulent swirls of charcoal-colored clouds sweeping across the Wasatch Mountains in the east. This morning, the temperature is in the 40s, it's been raining sporadically since late last night, and the sky looks like a fresh bruise.

Normally, I love this variability -- I find it exciting, and most of the time I actually like the rain. It reminds me of England. But this morning, it's kind of bumming me out, and, oddly enough, I think it's for the exact same reason I usually like it: it reminds me of England. It's been almost 14 years since my big landmark month-long adventure there; I can't believe so much time has passed, or how quickly it's seemed to go. Back then, I really believed I would've returned by now, and that I would've gone lots of other places, too. I've crossed a few destinations off my list in the years since then, but not nearly as many as I once imagined I would.

I'm feeling melancholy today, I guess, and nostalgic and rambling and self-indulgent. In other words, all those things that define Simple Tricks and Nonsense. I probably shouldn't be boring my Three Loyal Readers with this whiny crap, and I apologize to you for doing it, but this is what's on my mind: things I thought I'd do by this point in my life and things I haven't yet done. Of course, it probably doesn't help my mood that I've started reading Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five, a book that's positively obsessed with death and time and finding a way to look back at things without turning to stone (if you haven't read it, trust me, that all makes sense in context). I find myself thinking of a song by Rush that I used to like, "Time Stand Still":

I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath
Before I start off again.
Driven on without a moment to spend
To pass an evening with a drink and a friend

I let my skin get too thin
I'd like to pause
No matter what I pretend
Like some pilgrim
Who learns to transcend
Learns to live as if each step was the end

(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away

I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes
Let my defences down
All those wounds that I can't get unwound

I let my past go too fast
No time to pause
If I could slow it all down
Like some captain, whose ship runs aground
I can wait until the tide comes around

(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Freeze this motion a little bit longer
The innocence slips away
The innocence slips away...

Summer's going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away...
The innocence slips away

God, it just occurred to me that that song is now 20 years old. That's just the cherry on top, isn't it?

May 2, 2007

Drive-By Blogging 2: Blogs in Space

I've come across lots of interesting space-related items in the past few weeks (er, months), but I've been too busy or too preoccupied with other matters to mention any of them here, so I think it's time for another exciting installment of... Drive-By Blogging!

(I'm thinking of turning this into a regular feature here at Simple Tricks, by the way. It seems like there are always many more items that I want to comment on than I ever manage to actually devote entire entries to. Sigh...)

  • The big news of recent weeks was, of course, the announcement that European scientists have found the first known Earth-like planet orbiting another star. Earth-like is a somewhat relative term in this case; the planet in question is thought to be 1.5 times the size of our world and five times more massive, with a correspondingly stronger gravity field. Also, it makes a complete circle around its star in only 13 Earth days, and there's a good chance that it is "tidally locked," meaning it always shows only one face to its star the way our Moon shows only one side to Earth. However, the models show that it's most likely rocky or covered in oceans like Earth, and -- here's the exciting part -- it orbits inside what is called the "habitable zone." In other words, the average surface temperature is estimated to fall within a range where water would be liquid. And where there's liquid water, there's a good chance for life.

    As the Bad Astronomer points out, we have no idea what the atmosphere of this world might be like, and we don't know for sure that there's any water there. But there could be, the first time we've seen this possibility, and that's immensely exciting.

    The planet is one of three known worlds in orbit around a star called Gliese 581, a red dwarf some 20 light years from Earth. (For my non-geeky friends, that means it would take us 20 years to get there, travelling at the speed of light. If we could travel at the speed of light, that is. Where's the Millenium Falcon when you need it?)

  • It only took a couple of days for some artistically inclined individual to try imagining what the surface of Gliese 581c might look like, and it's something else: very alien but very beautiful. The idea behind this painting is that the star Gliese 581 is very active, with lots of surface granularity and solar flare activity, which is, in turn, generating the equivalent of northern lights in the planet's atmosphere. Wouldn't you love to be in a boat on this ocean, watching this sunset?

  • And speaking of alien sunsets, a recent article announced that scientists now think that planets around binary stars -- that is, two stars in the same system -- are at least as common as they are around single stars like our own sun. Moreover, habitable planets in binary systems are not out of the question. The story I linked to includes an artist's conception of a sunset seen from such a planet. To my great pleasure, it's a familiar sight.

  • A little closer to home and several months back, the plucky Martian rover Opportunity captured some nifty photos of wintertime clouds passing overhead. NASA then stitched them into a mesmerizing little movie. An explanation of what you're seeing can be found here.

  • Researchers from the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (with help from the Planetary Society) have tracked down a complete set of recorded telemetry data from the Pioneer 10 and 11 probes and are now transferring all that information to a modern digital format. They're hoping that once the data is ready for analysis, they'll be able to figure out what's causing the so-called "Pioneer Anomaly," the mysterious force that seems to be slowing the two spacecraft as they cruise toward interstellar space. One interesting idea is that particles from the probes' own nuclear power plants may be striking their main antennae and acting like a solar sail.

    [Ed. note: I first wrote about the Pioneer Anomaly here.]

  • The New Horizons space probe, currently outbound for Pluto, passed by Jupiter recently and captured many awesome images, including a volcanic eruption on the Jovian moon Io, and a lovely pic of the moons Io and Europa together, receding into the distance as NH continued on its way. Relevant blog entries describing these images are here and here.

  • Another spacecraft, the European Space Agency's Rosetta, passed very close to Mars during its complicated back-and-forth course to rendezvous with comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko, and took this amazing photo of the planet's surface framed by the probe's own solar array and hull. As seems to happen so very often, this real-life image reminded me of something from my youthful fantasy life, namely a shot from the original Battlestar Galactica series which depicted the Mineral Ship moving into position over the planet Carillon. (Naturally, I couldn't find a photo or video clip, but trust me, the Rosetta photo looks just like the scene I'm thinking of.) An explanation of the Rosetta shot and more pics can be found here.

  • Remember that prototype inflatable space hotel I've mentioned before (here and here), the Genesis 1? Here is a pretty detailed article about what's been going on with it and how Bigelow Aerospace is coming on its successor, Genesis 2. The short version: Bigelow hopes to launch Genesis 2, the second prototype, very soon, with the larger Galaxy module to follow in 2008 and the habitable Sundancer module in orbit by 2010. That vacation in space is coming, kids!

  • But if you can't wait for Bigelow, you could always try taking a ride on a "vomit comet" like astrophysicist Stephen Hawking did last week. For a mere $3,500, Zero Gravity Corporation will take you up on a Boeing 727 that goes through a series of extremely sharp climbs and dives. When the plane noses over to start its dive, you'll experience a brief period of weightlessness, just like the astronauts. I imagine that it must've been heavenly for Hawking, who has been paralyzed for 40 years by Lou Gehrig's disease, to be free of gravity's bonds for even a few brief moments.

  • And finally, an item that doesn't have a lot to do with space but nevertheless amused me: Queen Elizabeth plans to visit NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center this month while she's in the US to commemorate the 400th anniversary of the founding of Jamestown. Here's what I wonder: Is this simply some kind of courtesy call arranged by the Queen's people for some political reason I've not heard, or is she really a closet space buff? I think it would be really cool to think that this woman, who seems (with all due respect) like such an anachronism here in the 21st Century, is up on all the current explorations and efforts to get off this little rock...

And there you have it, all the space news that's caught my eye recently. If you haven't already, please follow those links -- you'll find a lot of fascinating stuff...

Ch-ch-changes

Andrew Sullivan reminds us of the way things used to be:

"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the president to explain to us what the exit strategy is," - George W. Bush, April 9, 1999, criticizing President Clinton for not setting a timetable for exiting Kosovo.

"I think it's also important for the president to lay out a timetable as to how long they will be involved and when they will be withdrawn," - George W. Bush, June 5, 1999.

Interesting how people change their tune, isn't it?

Loyalty Day

As far as I can tell, the following proclamation is legit:

The Congress, by Public Law 85-529, as amended, has designated May 1 of each year as "Loyalty Day." This Loyalty Day, and throughout the year, I ask all Americans to join me in reaffirming our allegiance to our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 1, 2007, as Loyalty Day. I call upon the people of the United States to participate in this national observance and to display the flag of the United States on Loyalty Day as a symbol of pride in our Nation.

Is it just me, or is there something seriously creepy about this? Doesn't a holiday to "reaffirm our allegiance to our Nation" actually conflict with the spirit of the most American of all American holidays, the Fourth of July (a.k.a. Independence Day, when we celebrate a bunch of guys who were willing to reject allegiance to their Nation -- the British Empire -- when it became necessary)?


I don't know... I suppose it's harmless enough to ask people to express their patriotism by flying the flag on a particular day (even though there already lots and lots of officially sanctioned, patriotic flag-flying days), but the name of this new holiday gives me the willies. "Loyalty Day" sounds so... totalitarian... to my ear. Of course, a lot of the terminology that's come into vogue in the past six years sounds that way. "Department of Homeland Security" is the prime example, although there are others. I don't recall this country ever being referred to as a "homeland" before 9/11; I find the word uncomfortably similar to the Soviet "motherland" and, yes, the Nazi "fatherland," and those are associations I think we'd be better off not encouraging.

I'm not saying that America has turned into a totalitarian state, only that we're flirting with the language of totalitarianism, and I just can't see how that's a positive thing. As cliche'd as it is to invoke the ghost of 1984, I think it's important to remember that one of Orwell's points in that book was that language has the power to affect the way people think. What do you suppose we're thinking about as we "reaffirm our allegiance" to the "homeland"?

May 1, 2007

Japanese Maglev Video

Here's a follow-up to the previous entry, a video that looks like it was originally a news clip. It details the Japanese effort, shows how the technology works, and includes lots of footage of the prototype train racing along its 18-kilometer test track. The clip is several years old, and a little pessimistic on the funding issue, but it's neat stuff...

[Update: I've found another one, a compilation of home-video clips shot by curious tourists, several of them from ground level, right alongside the track, so you can really get a sense of the speed and relative quiet of this machine. It's on the other side of the break...]